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Be An Upstander: 7 Steps To Combat Bullying
October is National Bullying Prevention Month. In the aftermath of the pandemic, global conflict, and heading into an election season, it feels like we live in a world full of bullies. We need role models who demonstrate kindness now more than ever. Bullying does not just happen to young people, but developing brains are at the greatest risk of long-term damage from the chronic stress of abuse (Çalışkan et al., 2019). Taking a stand against bullying wherever we see it is vital so that we can foster online and offline environments where people treat each other with respect.
Bullying can have harmful and severe mental health on people, and the perpetrators of abuse—bullies—don't "grow out of it." They go on to bully their partners, colleagues, friends, and neighbors, leaving scars along the way. Watching a bully in action, or someone being bullied, can be uncomfortable and even scary, making us not want to get involved. But being a silent bystander is worse. It actually supports the bully. We can all choose to be "upstanders" and actively work to stop bullying and promote a positive environment.
Here are seven ways you can shift the tide toward kindness.
1. Recognizing bullying is your first line of defenseBefore you can stand up to bullies, you have to recognize bullying when it happens. Bullying can take various forms, including physical, verbal, and online, or cyberbullying. Physical bullying is what most people think of when bullying is mentioned, thanks to the stereotypes of jocks and nerds, but exclusion, spreading false information or sensitive information, hazing, and verbal and sexual harassment are all forms of bullying. Humor at someone's expense isn't funny; it's bullying.
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What You Can Do:
Understanding and sharing the feelings of another is the cornerstone of empathy and helps you relate to the experiences and emotions of someone who is the target of bullying. Empathy not only helps in understanding the gravity of the situation but also in coming up with sensitive ways to address the issue.
What You Can Do:
Being an upstander often involves having difficult conversations with both the bully and the target. Learn to communicate effectively, emphasizing understanding and kindness so that you address the issue without escalating it further. Be thoughtful about the words you use to describe a bullying situation. Calling someone who has been bullied a "victim" can be disempowering and influence how they see themselves at a time when they are feeling particularly powerless. Referring to someone who has been bullied as a target keeps the blame on the bully. Remember also that bullies are often troubled, not just "mean." Conversations might involve bringing the issue to the attention of another parent or school personnel who can provide additional support.
What You Can Do:
Equip yourself with the knowledge of the repercussions of bullying. Understanding the psychological and physical harm that bullying can cause can sometimes provide the motivation to stand up against bullying. Educating others around you can also help in creating a community of upstanders. It can also help to learn about the motivations for bullying.
What You Can Do:
Leading by example is possibly the most potent tool in an upstander's toolkit. Display behavior that shuns bullying and promotes inclusivity. When others see you stepping up to stop bullying, it might encourage them to do the same. Research has shown that bystander interventions can be successful in preventing bullying by disrupting power patterns (Polanin, Espelage, & Pigott, 2012). Being an effective bystander often involves learning how to intervene safely and effectively in situations where bullying occurs--these are powerful conflict resolution skills for kids.
What You Can Do:
Encourage individuals to report instances of bullying to a teacher, a parent, a trusted adult, or a supervisor rather than fight back. Reporting not only addresses a specific incident but also makes school administrators and parents aware of the frequency of bullying events. This knowledge can bring formal mechanisms into play that can address bullying more systematically.
What You Can Do:
Interventions are sets of skills and behaviors that are effective at changing behavior. They can play a vital role in preventing bullying and encouraging upstander behavior.
What You Can Do:
Being an upstander is not always easy, but it is crucial in building communities that are safe, respectful, and inclusive. It is a process of continuous learning, actively promoting a culture of respect, empathy, and understanding, and a willingness to step up and take responsibility for the well-being of others. Every small step counts in the fight against bullying.
Covid-positive Worker Who Coughed Deliberately At Colleagues 'as A Joke' Is Jailed
Tamilselvam Ramaiya, 64, has been jailed in Singapore after he coughed deliberately at two colleagues as "a joke" having tested positive for Covid-19 in October, 2021
A Covid-19 coronavirus vaccination centre in Singapore (Image: AFP via Getty Images)
A worker who coughed as "a joke" at two colleagues after having tested positive for Covid-19 has been jailed in Singapore.
Tamilselvam Ramaiya, 64, was given a two-week sentence behind bars for breaking the country's Covid-19 Temporary Measures Act in October, 2021. He intentionally coughed at two co-workers at the investment holding firm Leong Hup in Singapore, first with his mask on and then without it.
He had an antigen rapid test at his company's logistics office that returned a positive result on October 18, 2021 and was asked to follow protocol by leaving the building.
But Ramaiya, a cleaner, chose to remain and reportedly went looking for the assistant logistics manager. He went into an air-conditioned room where there was a 40-year-old logistics supervisor and a 56-year-old female clerk who had heart and kidney issues.
When he was asked to leave he walked out of the door but then returned and coughed twice with his mask on, reported The Straits Times. "The accused [Ramaiya], who was initially wearing his mask, walked towards the office door and exited the office," Deputy Public Prosecutor Sruthi Boppana said in a statement.
"However, he then opened the office door and coughed into the office with his mask on. The accused did this twice, before the [logistics supervisor] closed the office door with his leg." He then opened the door for a third time and coughed again but this time after lowering his mask.
The assistant logistics manager took the incident to the police with Ramaiya's actions caught on surveillance camera. While Ramaiya claimed that he had coughed as "a joke", prosecutor Ms Boppana said it was "no laughing matter" and that Tamilselvam had disobeyed instructions to leave the premises, while deliberately coughing at his colleagues.
She had asked for three to four weeks' jail, saying his actions came at a time when Singapore was experiencing a fresh surge in Covid-19 cases that led to the tightening of restrictions.
"The accused's actions... Reflect a wanton disregard for the safety of his colleagues. The [female] victim, in particular, was a dialysis patient who suffered from both cardiac and renal issues," said Ms Boppana. "She was therefore particularly alarmed by the accused's actions and quickly administered an antigen rapid test on herself after the accused coughed in her direction."
Man Jailed For Coughing At Colleagues While Covid Positive
An Indian-origin man has been sentenced to two weeks in jail in Singapore for deliberately coughing in the direction of his two colleagues during the Covid-19 pandemic.
Tamilselvam Ramaiya, 64, pleaded guilty to one count of breaching the Covid regulation by not wearing a mask while outside of his house in October 2021.
Tamilselvam, who had then just tested positive for Covid-19, had coughed at his colleagues as a "joke", he told investigators.
He worked as a cleaner with the investment holding firm Leong Hup and reported to the office in Senko Way with a runny nose on 18 October.
He was advised by an assistant logistics manager to take an rapid antigen test which showed a positive result.
Tamilselvam was asked to return home but he went to the office looking for the assistant logistics manager, The Straits Times reported.
The manager informed his colleagues – a 40-year-old male logistics supervisor and a 56-year-old female clerk with heart and kidney issues – about the cleaner's test result.
They both were in an enclosed air-conditioned room when Tamilselvam entered along with a driver at around 10.30am.
When the supervisor asked Tamilselvam to leave the room the cleaner walked to the door but turned back to cough twice with his mask on.
Tamilselvam then went on to lower his mask to uncover his nose and mouth and cough for the third time before exiting the office.
The assistant logistics manager lodged a police report over the coughing incident, which was caught on surveillance camera.
Deputy public prosecutor Sruthi Boppana said it was "no laughing matter" and that Tamilselvam had disobeyed instructions to leave the premises and returned instead to deliberately cough at his colleagues.
She said his antics took place at a time when Singapore was experiencing a fresh surge of Covid-19 cases, which prompted tightening of restrictions from September to October 2021.
Pressing for the cleaner to be handed over three to four weeks' jail, she said: "The accused's actions... Reflect a wanton disregard for the safety of his colleagues."
"The (female) victim, in particular, was a dialysis patient who suffered from both cardiac and renal issues.
"She was therefore particularly alarmed by the accused's actions and quickly administered an ART on herself after the accused coughed in her direction," she added.
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