funny drinking quotes :: Article CreatorFunniest Wine Jokes That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud
Good jokes can light up a room, bringing smiles and laughter to those within earshot. They possess a unique power to lift moods, break ice, and even make the ordinary seem extraordinary. There's a joke for every occasion, every topic, and every audience - including ones that revolve around the world of wines. So, why not lighten up the mood and laugh with friends while taking a glass of wine by cracking some good wine jokes?
A group of friends tossing some glasses of wine. Photo: @Mike Harrington (modified by author)Source: UGC TABLE OF CONTENTS
There are plenty of jokes that would make any wine enthusiast burst into laughter. From puns about grapes to humorous observations about wine-drinking habits, these jokes will delight you. Whether a one-liner wine joke or a witty remark, they will tickle you and your friends, making you laugh out loud.
Best wine jokes among friends
What could be better than sharing wine-themed humour with friends? Wine jokes will get you in good conversation and a round of hearty laughter—a nice way of putting you back on track whenever you find the conversation running dry.
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Wine jokes quotes
Wine has a wonderful ability to end a bad day on a high note. Even if you're out of wine at home, reading wine quotes is comforting and will make you laugh uncontrollably. Here are some of the best wine jokes quotes that will give you a reason to feel good about life and leave you chuckling.
Wine improves with age. The older I get, the better I like it. I cook with wine. Sometimes, I add it to the food. Life's too short to drink bad wine. I would rather choose wine because no great story can begin with someone eating a salad. Wine is constant evidence that God loves us and loves to see us happy. Sip happens. It's okay to drink wine. Wine a bit. You'll feel better. Save water, drink wine. Age gets better with wine. A meal without wine is called breakfast. Wine: how classy people get wasted. Either give me more wine or leave me alone. In wine, there's truth Wine is the answer. What was the question? I tried cooking with wine, but after four glasses, I couldn't remember why I was in the kitchen. Read also
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An individual is pouring wine into a glass. Photo: @Klaus Vedfelt (modified by author)Source: UGC
One does not need a reason to drink wine. My doctor says I need glasses. So, I made sure they were filled with wine. Wine is like duct tape. It fixes everything. Wine is the best cure for a dry mouth. Wine pairs nicely with good friends. When a problem comes along, you must drink it. Wine is like liquid laughter. I make poor decisions once I take wine. Today's forecast: 100% chance of wine. What's the first item on my bucket list? Filling the bucket with wine. We follow an open-door policy. If you come with wine, we'll open the door. What did the wine say to its date? You make my heart beat like a cork popping. Funny red wine jokes
Red wine isn't just a delightful drink. It is a source of endless humour and fun. If you're a fan of this rich and flavorful beverage, you'll love these jokes that add some anecdotes on wine. They're perfect whenever you want to add a touch of humour to your day.
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Why don't red wines go to parties? They make everyone want to cab. Why did the red wine blush? Because it saw the salad dressing. What do you call a red wine that has been waiting for years? Patient-oir. Why did the red wine go to jail? Because it was bottled up for too long. Why is red wine a better friend than white wine? It's always there for you in 'pour' decisions. Why do red wines love winter? Because they get to wear their coats du Rhone. What's a red wine's favourite exercise? The pour. Why don't red wines play "hide and seek"? Because they hate to be decanted. Why did the red wine go to school? To improve its taste. What do you call a group of red wines? It's a grape time. Why did the red wine break up with the grape? It felt too crushed. Why don't red wines go to the gym? They hate working out their tannins. Why did the red wine go on a diet? It didn't want to be full-bodied anymore. What's a red wine's favourite book? The Grape Gatsby. Why did the red wine cross the road? To prove it wasn't chicken. Read also
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A bunch of fruits and wine. Photo: @Steve Smith (modified by author)Source: UGC
What do you call a red wine that's lost its bubbles? A flatterer. Why did the red wine go to the bar? To Pinot where it belongs. Why don't red wines make good detectives? They always spill the beans. What do you call a red wine that's always late? A tardy-annay. Why did the red wine go to therapy? It had too many bottled-up feelings. Why did the red wine win an award? It had an outstanding body. What is a red wine's favourite day of the week? Sip Sunday. Why did the red wine get a job? It wanted to earn a living. Why was the red wine so proud? It was raising the bar. What do you call a red wine that's always rushing? A hurry-lot. Wine gets better with age. I get better with wine. How do you determine the amount of wine to consume? Deal with it one case at a time. Read also
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Interesting wine jokes for adults
For adults, wine often becomes more than just a drink. It's an elegant symbol of relaxation, a conversation starter, a companion during solitary moments, and sometimes, the source of the best jokes and laughter. Here are catchy sayings about wine for adults that will leave you relaxed, especially after a long day.
Why don't grapes ever fight? Because they wine instead. What do you call the aftermath of drinking too much wine? The great sadness of the grapes What's a wine lover's favourite exercise? Wine-ups. Why is wine better than a boyfriend? Wine lasts longer. Why did the wine call its girlfriend? Because it had so much bottled-up emotion. What does a wine say when it's upset? I've got a grape problem. Why did the wine go to the party? Because it heard there would be cheese. What is a wine lover's favourite song? Red, Red Wine. The wine went to jail because it was accused of being in high spirits. What do you call a bottle of wine that has an amazing rhythm? A Vine-Beat. What's a sommelier's favourite type of math? Divide and chardonnay. Why do we tell wine jokes? So we can have a good vine. What's a wine lover's best type of literature? Poetry. Do you know that grapes don't cry when they're crushed? But they do wine. What is an ape's favourite wine? Champagne. What do you call a hangover from drinking too much wine? The wrath of grapes. Read also
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A glass of white and red wine with grapes. Photo: @Peter Frank (modified by author)Source: UGC
Why don't wine bottles date? They are afraid of commitment. What do you call a wine that isn't yours? Nacho wine. What did the grape do when it got stepped on? It just let out a little wine. What do you call a wine who can play the piano? A wine-key. Why did the wine go to school? To get a little more refined. What does a wine say when it's leaving? Vine-al goodbyes. Why do wines make great detectives? Because they have a keen nose. How do you make a wine dance? Pour it in a tumbler. Enjoy the wine you're currently drinking. What do you call a grape that doesn't make you go to the bathroom? Pinot More. Isn't it funny how drinking eight glasses of water seems hard, but eight glasses of wine seems like a good dinner? Final word
In the world of humour, wine jokes hold a special place, blending sophistication with a dash of cheekiness. From puns that leave you grinning to hilarious one-liners that make you chuckle, these jokes prove the joy of laughter and the fun that wine brings into our lives.
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50+ corny jokes to tell your girlfriend to make her laugh
Tuko.Co.Ke shared an article about funny jokes to tell your friends and make them laugh. They are a great way to bring laughter and joy into the lives of people around you. Whether it is a funny one-liner or a ridiculous pun, the right joke can make your friends smile.
If you ever want to spread cheer, the best way is to share a good joke with your family or friends. Laughing with friends is a wonderful way to strengthen your bond and lighten your mood.
Source: TUKO.Co.Ke
68 Funny Inspirational Quotes
Whether reading through funny inspirational quotes about work or others concerning romance, friendship and family life, there's just something about the universality of the human experience that tugs at the senses — which is why our list of funny inspirational quotes is meant to delight, amuse and entertain while also reminding you that, after all, we're all the same.
From former Prime Minister of the United Kingdom Margaret Thatcher to iconic baseball star Yogi Berra and the always-hilarious actor Bill Murray, folks from across the cultural and political spectrum have uttered words that still resonate with us today, sometimes decades after their first pronouncement. Why not catch up on their wise words every so often?
Pro advice: don't only read through these when you need a pick-me-up but, perhaps, indulge in a little laugh-out-loud session even when you're already in a good mood, because there's nothing like doubling down on happiness.
"Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back." - Oscar Wilde
"Don't be so humble — you are not that great." - Golda Meir
"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes." - Jack Handey
"The elevator to success is out of order. You'll have to use the stairs... One step at a time." - Joe Girard
"I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book." - Groucho Marx
"It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by then I was too famous." - Robert Benchley
"The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits." - Albert Einstein
"The best revenge is massive success." - Frank Sinatra
"I am an early bird and a night owl... So I am wise and I have worms." - Michael Scott (The Office)
"The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain." - Dolly Parton
"In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra." - Fran Lebowitz
"If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough." - Phyllis Diller
"Never follow anyone else's path. Unless you're in the woods and you're lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path." - Ellen DeGeneres
"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive." - Elbert Hubbard
A funny inspirational quote by Yogi Berra Getty
"If you want something said, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman." - Margaret Thatcher
"People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing — that's why we recommend it daily." - Zig Ziglar
"Hating people is like burning down your own home to get rid of a rat." - Harry Emerson Fosdick
"I'm in shape. Round is a shape." - George Carlin
"My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I've finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already." - Dave Barry
"People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day." - Theodor Rosyfelt
"Bad decisions make good stories." - Ellis Vidler
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home." - Phyllis Diller
"It ain't over til it's over." - Yogi Berra
Bill Murray gives a funny, inspirational quote. Getty
"A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain." - Graham Norton
"Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you're donating blood." - Bill Murray
"When life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade and then try to find someone whose life has given them vodka, and have a party." - Ron White
"To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone, and a funny bone." - Reba McEntire
"There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about." - Oscar Wilde
"A man who correctly guesses a woman's age may be smart, but he's not very bright." - Lucille Ball
"If you're going through hell, keep going." - Winston Churchill
"Women will never be as successful as men because they have no wives to advise them." - Dick Van Dyke
"We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public." - Bryan White
"Even a stopped clock is right twice every day." - Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach
"As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Norman Wisdom
A quote on procrastination by Mark Twain. Getty
"A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory." - Mark Twain
"The reason I talk to myself is because I'm the only one whose answers I accept." - George Carlin
"People can't drive you crazy if you don't give them the keys." - Mike Bechtle
"You grow up the day you have your first real laugh — at yourself." - Ethel Barrymore
"If you can't be kind, at least be vague." - Judith Martin
"It is useless to try to hold a person to anything he says while he's madly in love, drunk, or running for office." - Shirley MacLaine
"Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: 'How to Build a Boat.'" - Steven Wright
"Sometimes you lie in bed at night and you don't have a single thing to worry about. That always worries me!" - Charlie Brown
"People waste their time pondering whether a glass is half empty or half full. Me, I just drink whatever's in the glass." - Sophia Petrillo
"Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it." - Tom Lehrer
"The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true." - James Branch Cabell
"Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well." - Mark Twain
A quote on success by Will Rogers Getty
"I didn't fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong." - Benjamin Franklin
"The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces." - Will Rogers
"Live each day like it's your second to the last. That way you can fall asleep at night." - Jason Love
"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia." - Charles Schulz
"I'm not crazy — I've just been in a very bad mood for 40 years." - Ouiser Boudreaux
"Age is of no importance unless you're a cheese." - Billie Burke
"I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it." - Mae Wes
"My mother always used to say, 'The older you get, the better you get. Unless you're a banana.'" - Rose Nylund
"A peacock that rests on his tail feathers is just another turkey." - Dolly Parton
Robert Frost gives a quote on hard work. Getty
"If you let your head get too big, it'll break your neck." - Elvis Presley
"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." - Thomas Edison
"I cannot afford to waste my time making money." - Louis Agassiz
"Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work." - Robert Orben
"It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong." - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
"The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary." - Vince Lombardi
"Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger." - Franklin P. Jones
"If you think your boss is stupid, remember: You wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter." - John Gotti
"If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping in a room with a mosquito." - Dalai Lama
"The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one." - Oscar Wilde
"By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day." - Robert Frost
"Whoever said that money can't buy happiness, simply didn't know where to go shopping." - Bo Derek
"Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas." - Paula Poundstone
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The 128 Best Mother's Day Quotes To Warm Mom's Heart
Of all the moms in the world, there's none quite like yours.
She's there to brush off your knees when you fall, deliver the kind of advice that only a mother can, give you a hug when you need it the most and, well, she's simply the best.
That's why celebrating her, or any other special women in your life, including a grandmother, stepmom, aunt, wife or friend, means everything on Mother's Day.
To help find just the right words to let her know how much she means to you, we've gathered a collection of heartfelt and funny Mother's Day quotes to help put your feelings into words this year.
Celebrated on the second Sunday in May, Mother's Day is the perfect opportunity to say "thank you" to your mom," as well as shower her with love, flowers and other special gifts.
A special brunch or dinner is always appreciated, too. But, chances are good that what she wants most the Mother's Day is to spend time with you. Of course, a thoughtful message straight from the heart is an added bonus.
That's where these meaningful quotes come in. From heartfelt sayings from a daughter to her mom, to quotes that'll make her laugh out loud, this compilation of quotes covers all sorts of sentiments.
Below, you'll find the words of luminaries like Maya Angelou and Michelle Obama, as well as Hoda Kotb, Tina Fey and others.
Write them in a card, text or however you see fit. Whatever you decide on, one thing's for sure, your sweet words will bring a smile to her face and there's no better gift than that.
Short and sweet Mother's Day quotes
"In all the world, there is no heart for me like yours. In all the world, there is no love for you like mine." — Maya Angelou "To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides." — David Viscott "Family is not an important thing. It's everything." — Michael J. Fox "The best place to cry is on a mother's arms." — Jodi Picoult, "House Rules" "A mother's love liberates." — Maya Angelou "He didn't realize that love as powerful as your mother's for you leaves its own mark." — J.K. Rowling, "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" "A mother is your first friend, your best friend, your forever friend." — Amit Kalantri, "Wealth of Words" 
"Thus far the mighty mystery of motherhood is this: How is it that doing it all feels like nothing is ever getting done." ― Rebecca Woolf "Motherhood: all love begins and ends there." ― Robert Browning "Only mothers can think of the future ― because they give birth to it in their children." ― Maxim Gorky "The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness." ― Honore de Balzac "A mother's arms are made of tenderness, and children sleep soundly in them." ― Victor Hugo "Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved." ― Erich Fromm 
"Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children." ― William Makepeace Thackeray, "Vanity Fair" "A mother is not a person to lean on, but a person to make leaning unnecessary." ― Dorothy Canfield Fisher "A mother is a mother from the moment her baby is first placed in her arms until eternity." ― Sarah Strohmeyer, "Kindred Spirits" "Such a mysterious business, motherhood. How brave a woman must be to embark on it." ― M.L. Stedman, "The Light Between Oceans" "Being a mother is like being a gardener of souls. You tend your children, make sure the light always touches them." ― Karen White, "Sea Change" 
"You are my sun, my moon, and all my stars." ― E.E. Cummings "A mother's love is patient and forgiving when all others are forsaking, it never fails or falters, even though the heart is breaking." ― Helen Steiner Rice, "A Mother's Love" "There is no such thing as a perfect parent. So just be a real one." ― Sue Atkins "To be in your children's memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today." ― Barbara Johnson "Why don't kids understand their nap is not for them, but for us?" ― Alyson Hannigan 
"Whatever else is unsure in this stinking dunghill of a world a mother's love is not." — James Joyce "If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman." ― Margaret Thatcher "A mother's love is more beautiful than any fresh flower." ― Debasish Mridha "The woman who is my best friend, my teacher, my everything: Mom." ― Sandra Vischer "A mother is always the beginning. She is how things begin." ― Amy Tan, "The Bonesetter's Daughter" 
"The only love that I really believe in is a mother's love for her children." — Karl Lagerfeld "No man is poor who has a Godly mother." — Abraham Lincoln "Art is the child of nature in whom we trace the features of the mothers face." — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow "A queen could leave her throne. But a mother never leaves her son." — V.E. Schwab, "A Conjuring of Light" Heart-touching Mother's Day quotes
"To describe my mother would be to write about a hurricane in its perfect power. Or the climbing, falling colors of a rainbow." — Maya Angelou "A warrior believes in an end she can't see and fights for it. A warrior never gives up. A warrior fights for those weaker than herself. It sounds like motherhood to me." — Kristin Hannah, "The Nightingale" "It's the curse of motherhood. You're required to love us even when we vex you." — Julia Quinn, "The Duke and I" "It's one of those things where you think you've done it all, you think you've felt it all. But I just didn't know that this kind of love existed." — Hoda Kotb 
"I'm a person of faith. It feels like the greatest embrace from God that I can imagine, to get to have a baby." — Savannah Guthrie "A mother's arms are more comforting than anyone else's." — Princess Diana "When your children arrive, the best you can hope for is that they break open everything about you. Your mind floods with oxygen. Your heart becomes a room with wide-open windows." —Amy Poehler "Youth fades; love droops; the leaves of friendship fall; a mother's secret hope outlives them all." — Oliver Wendell Holmes 
"My mother was the one constant in my life. When I think about my mom raising me alone when she was 20, and working and paying the bills, and, you know, trying to pursue your own dreams, I think is a feat that is unmatched." — Barack Obama "You can feel when your mom's proud of you. You can feel the love." — Jimmy Fallon "All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother." — Abraham Lincoln "When you look into your mother's eyes, you know that is the purest love you can find on this earth." — Mitch Albom 
"If you bungle raising your children, I don't think whatever else you do well matters very much." — Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis "God could not be everywhere, and therefore he made mothers." — Rudyard Kipling "Sometimes the strength of motherhood is greater than natural laws." — Barbara Kingsolver "Our mothers always remain the strangest, craziest people we've ever met." — Marguerite Duras 
"Being a mom has made me so tired. And so happy." — Tina Fey "If I have done anything in life worth attention, I feel sure that I inherited the disposition from my mother." — Booker T. Washington "My mother was the most beautiful woman I ever saw. All I am I owe to my mother. I attribute my success in life to the moral, intellectual and physical education I received from her." — George Washington "My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart—a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation." — Mark Twain 
"I tell my kids, 'I am thinking about you every other minute of my day.'" — Michelle Obama "[Motherhood is] the biggest gamble in the world. It is the glorious life force. It's huge and scary — it's an act of infinite optimism." — Gilda Radner "My mother is my root, my foundation. She planted the seed that I base my life on, and that is the belief that the ability to achieve starts in your mind." — Michael Jordan "Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother." — Oprah Winfrey 
"Motherhood has a very humanizing effect. Everything gets reduced to essentials." — Meryl Streep "Having children just puts the whole world into perspective. Everything else just disappears." — Kate Winslet "Perhaps it takes courage to raise children." — John Steinbeck "Your heart feels like it's outside your body and you're too old to drink the feelings away like you used to." — Amy Schumer "When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.'" — Fred Rogers Mother's Day quotes from a daughter
"All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his." — Oscar Wilde "The truth is that no matter how old we are, as long as our mothers are alive, we want our mother." — Goldie Hawn "There are really places in your heart that you don't know exist until you love a child." — Anne Lamott "To the world you may be one person; but to one person you may be the world." — Dr. Seuss 
"There's no way to be a perfect mother, and a millions ways to be a good one." — Jill Churchill "Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." — Elizabeth Stone "Behind all your stories is always your mother's story, because hers is where yours begins." — Mitch Albom "A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dates all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path." — Agatha Christie 
"I will look after you and I will look after anybody you say needs to be looked after, any way you say. I am here. I brought my whole self to you. I am your mother." — Maya Angelou "Motherhood is a choice you make everyday, to put someone else's happiness and well-being ahead of your own, to teach the hard lessons, to do the right thing even when you're not sure what the right thing is… and to forgive yourself, over and over again, for doing everything wrong." — Donna Ball "Even as a small child, I understood that women had secrets, and that some of these were only to be told to daughters. In this way we were bound together for eternity." — Alice Hoffman "The very fact that you worry about being a good mom means that you already are one." — Jodi Picoult 
"No one worries about you like your mother, and when she is gone, the world seems unsafe, things that happen unwieldy. You cannot turn to her anymore, and it changes your life forever." — Adriana Trigiani "The natural state of motherhood is unselfishness. When you become a mother, you are no longer the center of your own universe. You relinquish that position to your children." — Jessica Lange "Mothers and their children are in a category all their own. There's no bond so strong in the entire world. No love so instantaneous and forgiving." — Gail Tsukiyama 
"A mother knows what her child's gone through, even if she didn't see it herself." — Pramoedya Ananta Toer "My mother... She is beautiful, softened at the edges and tempered with a spine of steel. I want to grow old and be like her." — Jodi Picoult "As mothers and daughters, we are connected with one another. My mother is the bones of my spine, keeping me straight and true. She is my blood, making sure it runs rich and strong. She is the beating of my heart." — Kristin Hannah, "Summer Island" "If I were asked to define Motherhood. I would have defined it as Love in its purest form. Unconditional love." — Revathi Sankaran 
Funny Mothers' Day quotes
"Once you sign on to be a mother, 24/7 is the only shift they offer." — Jodi Picoult "If you have never been hated by your child, you have never been a parent." — Bette Davis "My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it." — Mark Twain "My mother used to say, 'The older you get, the better you get. Unless you're a banana.'" — Betty White 
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt." ― Charles M. Schulz "If evolution really works, how come mother's only have two hands?" — Milton Berle "As I learned from growing up, you don't mess with your grandmother." — Prince William "I'd like to have a kid, but I'm not sure I'm ready to spend 10 years of my life constantly asking someone where his shoes are." — Damien Fahey 
"Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes." ― P.J. O'Rourke, "All the Trouble in the World" "The more I go through parenting, the more I say I owe my mother an apology." ― Ray Romano "There is no such thing as fun for the whole family." — Jerry Seinfeld "Sooner or later we all quote our mothers." ― Bern Williams 
"When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out." ― Erma Bombeck "In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra." — Fran Lebowitz "It's a funny thing about mothers... Even when their own child is the most disgusting little blister you could ever imagine, they still think that he or she is wonderful." — Roald Dahl "Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them." ― P. J. O'Rourke 
"When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' It's a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway." — Erma Bombeck "I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them." — Phyllis Diller "I'm not insane. My mother had me tested." — Sheldon Cooper, "The Big Bang Theory" "Having children is like living in a frat house — nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up." — Ray Romano 
"The first half of our lives are ruined by our parents and the second half by our children." — Clarence Darrow "Don't try and make children grow up to be like you, or they may do it." — Russell Baker "Having a child is like getting a tattoo ... On your face. You better be committed." — Elizabeth Gilbert Beautiful words for your mom
"It may be possible to gild pure gold, but who can make his mother more beautiful?" — Mahatma Gandhi "Mothers are like glue. Even when you can't see them, they're still holding the family together." — Susan Gale "That strong mother doesn't tell her cub, 'Son, stay weak so the wolves can get you.' She says, 'Toughen up, this is the reality we are living in.'" — Lauryn Hill "My mother taught me empathy — the basic concept of standing in somebody else's shoes and looking through their eyes. If I did something messed up, she'd just say, 'How would that make you feel if somebody did that to you?'" — Barack Obama 
"Every day when you're raising kids, you feel like you could cry or crack up and just scream 'This is ridiculous!' because there's so much nonsense, whether it's what they're saying to you or the fact that there's avocado or poop on every surface." — Kristen Bell "I believe the choice to become a mother is the choice to become one of the greatest spiritual teachers there is." — Oprah Winfrey "When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child." — Sophia Loren "Motherhood is the greatest thing and the hardest thing." —Ricki Lake 
"Mothers have the ability to liberate by love or, by neglect, to imprison. They're our first teachers; they are our first loves." — Maya Angelou "Just because you become a mother, it doesn't mean you lose who you are." — Beyoncé "A mother is she who can take the place of all others but whose place no one else can take." — Gaspard Mermillod "A mother is the truest friend we have." — Washington Irving 
"Life doesn't come with a manual; it comes with a mother." — Unknown "Being a mother is learning about strengths you didn't know you had and dealing with fears you didn't know existed." — Linda Wooten "The moment a child is born, the mother is also born." — Osho "My mom smiled at me. Her smile kind of hugged me." — R.J. Palacio, "Wonder" 
"It's not our job to toughen our children up to face a cruel and heartless world. It's our job to raise children who will make the world a little less cruel and heartless." — L.R. Knost "Mother is a verb. It's something you do. Not just who you are." — Cheryl Lacey Donovan "The great motherhood friendships are the ones in which two women can admit [how difficult mothering is] quietly to each other, over cups of tea at a table sticky with spilled apple juice and littered with markers without tops." — Anna Quindlen "I looked on child rearing not only as a work of love and duty, but as a profession that was fully as interesting and challenging as any honorable profession in the world and one that demanded the best that I could bring to it." — Rose Kennedy 
"There is no greater good in all the world than motherhood. The influence of a mother in the lives of her children is beyond calculation." — James E. Faust "Having kids — the responsibility of rearing good, kind, ethical, responsible human beings — is the biggest job anyone can embark on." — Maria Shriver "Once you're a mom, you're always a mom. It's like riding a bike, you never forget." — Taraji P. Henson Find a quote that sums up your love
Rachel Paula Abrahamson and Alexandra Clay contributed.
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