200+ Motivational Quotes To Inspire You in 2024

91 Father's Day Jokes That Prove You Inherited Dad's Sense Of Humor

Have you ever wondered when a joke becomes a dad joke? When the punchline is apparent. Ba-dum-tss.

How about the father who bought a pair of camouflage pants? Now no one can find him.

Speaking of parents, Father's Day is the perfect time to let the dad, husband or grandfather in your life know just how much they mean to you with a thoughtful gift or, better yet, by telling him one of these funny Father's Day jokes.

Whatever Father's Day activities you've got planned can only be improved upon by adding a few chuckles to the mix.

Not only will you make dear ol' dad smile, but you'll also be providing new material for his one-man comedy show. Because while he's got plenty of his own funny gags, one can never have too many.

Of course, you still need to pick up a present or a greeting card with a thoughtful message written inside. It's Father's Day after all, and you can't let Sunday slip by without letting that special guy know just how much you love and appreciate all he's done for you.

In the end, however, it's laughter that's the real gift, and you'll find everything you need right here to provide a belly laugh or two.

Funny Father's Day one-liners

My father spilled invisible ink all over himself. He's at the hospital waiting to be seen.

My dad quit his job as an archeologist. Now his career is in ruins.

The last time my dad played baseball he got arrested. Apparently he tried to steal second base.

My dad's computer caught a cold. He must have left a window open.

My dad said he wanted something groundbreaking for Father's Day. So I got him a shovel.

Did you hear about the father who cut off his left leg? He's all right now.

I never liked my dad's facial hair. But now it's starting to grow on me.

My dad bought a pair of camouflage pants. Now I can't find him.

My father doesn't like trees. He thinks they're shady.

For Father's Day, my dad asked for a gift with no strings attached. So I bought him a broken guitar.

Why did the grandpa throw a clock out the window? He wanted to see time fly.

I got my dad a book about glue once. He couldn't put it down.

My dad won't play cards in the jungle. He says there are too many cheetahs.

My grandfather got fired from the keyboard factory. He wasn't putting in enough shifts.

My dad wanted to listen to music while we were fishing. So I put on something catchy.

What did the papa cow say to the baby cow? It's pasture bedtime.

Best Father's Day jokes

My dad really loves math. And then sum.

What did the cheerleader serve for Father's Day breakfast? Cheerios.

What do lobsters do on Father's Day? Shellabrate their dads.

Where do cows go on dates? The moo-vies.

What does the pig give his dad for Father's Day? Lots of hogs and kisses.

What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.

When is a door not a door? When it's ajar.

Why did the football coach go to the bank? He wanted to get his quarter back.

What do you call a moose with no name? Anonymoose.

Where do cows get their clothes? From cattle-logs.

My father used to be afraid of hurdles. But he got over it.

Why didn't the sun go to college? It already had a million degrees.

Why can't you borrow money from elves? They're always a little short.

How do trains eat? They choo-choo.

Why don't leopards play hide-and-go-seek? They're always spotted.

How do Eskimos fix broken dishes? With igloo.

Why did the belt go to jail? It held up a pair of pants.

What's the downside to birthdays? Too many will kill you.

What do you call a rude cow? Beef jerky.

Why do golfers always have an extra pair of pants? In case they get a hole in one.

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. Summer wasn't bad either.

Why shouldn't you argue with a dinosaur? You'll get jurasskicked.

What do you call a dad who falls through the ice? A pop-sicle.

Where do fruits go on vacation? Pear-is!

What did the baby otter say to its dad? You are a dad like no otter.

What has more letters than the alphabet? The post office.

When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline is apparent!

Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Never-lands.

What did the accountant say while auditing a document? This is taxing.

Why did the orange stop halfway across the road? It ran out of juice.

Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? It lost its filling.

How do pigs wake up their dad on Father's Day? With plenty of hogs and kisses.

Why are fish so smart? Because they swim in schools.

Why should you never use a dull pencil? Because it's pointless.

Did you hear about the cheese factory that got blown up? Da brie was everywhere.

How do you identify a dogwood tree? By its bark.

How do you make Lady Gaga cry? Poker face!

I just invented a car that runs on herbs… I think I invented thyme travel.

What do you call fake spaghetti? Impasta!

What do you call someone who isn't a dad but tells dad jokes? A faux pa.

What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

I saw a guy at the bank checking his balance so I pushed him over.

Did you hear about the yacht builder that had to work from home? His sails went through the roof.

Father's Day jokes for the whole family

What do you call a cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese!

Why did the phone buy glasses? Because it lost its contacts.

Swimming with sharks is so expensive. It cost me an arm and a leg!

What did the buffalo say to his son as he walked out the door? Bi-son.

How much do roofs cost? Nothing. They're on the house!

What do frogs wear on their feet in summer? Open toad sandals.

The only reason I went to Wimbledon was because I heard it was a women's singles event.

My wife laughed at me when I told her I could make a car out of macaroni. You should've seen her face when I drove pasta!

I'd tell you the joke about the butter, but I don't want you to spread it!

How do celebrities keep cool? They have many fans.

I had a long conversation with a dolphin once. We just seemed to click.

It was a lovely wedding, even the cake was in tiers.

The police just arrested the world's tongue twister champion. They say he'll be given a tough sentence.

My dad adopted a dog from the local blacksmith. As soon as he got him home, he made a bolt for the door.

I've got a pen that can write underwater. It can write other words, too, but underwater is one of my favorites.

What does a baby computer call its dad? Data.

What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.

What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? "Supplies!"

Which days are the strongest? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.

What did one toilet say to the other toilet? You look flushed.

Why did the boy bring a ladder on the bus? He wanted to go to high school.

What did one plate say to the other plate? Dinner's on me.

Why do ducks have feathers on their tails? To cover their butt-quacks.

Why did Mickey Mouse go into space? He wanted to find Pluto.

What makes music in your hair? A headband.

How do you know when the moon has had enough to eat? It's full.

I woke up this morning and couldn't remember which side the sun rises on. Then it dawned on me.

What did the horse say after it fell? I've fallen and I can't giddy up.

What did the book join the police? It wanted to go undercover.

What's the best way to watch a fishing show? Live stream.

How does Darth Vader like his toast cooked? On the dark side.

This story first appeared on TODAY.Com. More from Today:

Compare Life Insurance Quotes Online

By

Katherine MurbachKatherine MurbachEditor & Licensed Life Insurance AgentKatherine Murbach is a life insurance and annuities editor, licensed life insurance agent, and former sales associate at Policygenius. Previously, she wrote about life and disability insurance for 1752 Financial, and advised over 1,500 clients on their life insurance policies as a sales associate.&Antonio Ruiz-CamachoAntonio Ruiz-CamachoAssociate Content DirectorAntonio helps lead our life insurance and disability insurance editorial team at Policygenius. Previously, he was a senior director of content at Bankrate and CreditCards.Com, as well as a principal writer covering personal finance at CNET.

Edited by

Adam MorganAdam MorganEditorial DirectorAdam Morgan is an editorial director at Policygenius who leads the life insurance and annuities team. Previously, he led editorial teams matrixed across multiple financial publications at Red Ventures — including Bankrate, NextAdvisor, Million Mile Secrets, and others. As a journalist, his work has appeared in Esquire, Scientific American, The Guardian, Los Angeles Times, and elsewhere.

Reviewed by

Maria FilindrasMaria FilindrasFinancial AdvisorMaria Filindras is a financial advisor, a licensed Life & Health insurance agent in California, and a member of the Financial Review Council at Policygenius.

PublishedJune 20, 2024

Comparing quotes from multiple life insurance companies is the best way to find the most affordable policy that meets your needs. Due to federal regulations, no company, broker, or agent can offer you a discount on life insurance — but since each insurer calculates risk differently, the cost you pay will be cheaper with some companies and more expensive with others.

What is a life insurance quote?

Life insurance is the best way to provide a financial safety net for your loved ones in the event of your death. After signing a contract, you make regular payments to an insurance company. In exchange, the insurance company will pay a tax-free sum of money to your loved ones if you die while your policy is active.

A life insurance quote is an estimate of how much you'll pay for a policy based on your age, income, health history, and other factors. Every insurance company calculates quotes differently, so cost estimates can vary widely across insurers.

How to compare life insurance quotes 1. Decide where to get life insurance quotes

You can choose between three options for comparing quotes.

Online marketplaces like Policygenius let you compare life insurance quotes from multiple companies, find the most affordable option that meets your coverage needs, and purchase a policy for no extra charge.

Independent agents or brokers will usually let you compare quotes from any of the insurance companies they represent, though they may also charge a fee for their services.

Captive agents only work for a single insurance company. If you want to compare quotes from multiple insurance companies, you'll have to reach out to a captive agent at each individual company, which can be time-consuming.

If you prefer purchasing life insurance in-person, a local independent agent or broker is could be a great fit. But if you're comfortable comparing quotes online and speaking with a licensed agent over the phone, we recommend getting life insurance quotes through our online marketplace at Policygenius since it's faster, easier, and often more affordable.

You could save 50% or more by shopping for life insurance with Policygenius

After providing us with a few details like your age and income, you can compare life insurance quotes from some of the top insurers. You can do so online or by calling us at 1-800-608-2192 to connect with a Policygenius agent and find the best policy for your needs.

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2. Consider what type of life insurance you need

The best type of life insurance for you depends on your age, your budget, your insurance goals and needs, and many other factors.

The two main types of life insurance are term and permanent. Term life insurance covers you for a set period of time — usually between 10 and 30 years. Permanent life insurance can cover you for your entire life, and some of these products can come with a cash value savings component, which can grow tax-deferred over time.

Many people purchase both term and permanent policies: a term policy to cover the most expensive years of their lives, plus a smaller permanent policy for lifelong coverage and additional benefits. In fact, some insurers now offer hybrid policies that combine certain benefits of term and permanent life insurance together into a single product.

At Policygenius, our agents can help you compare policy types and apply for the right coverage at a price that works for you.

3. Determine how much life insurance you need

One easy rule of thumb is that your life insurance plan should include coverage that's roughly 10 to 15 times your annual income. For example, if you make $100,000 per year, you'll likely need around $1 million to $1.5 million in life insurance coverage.

Our life insurance calculator can help you estimate how much money your family would need to replace the loss of your income and meet their future goals.

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Your life insurance policy amount should cover them all, so your loved ones won't struggle financially in your absence.

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Our independent, unbiased ratings and reviews of the best life insurance companies will help you find a great life insurance policy with confidence. The right life insurance company for you will depend on factors like your age, health, and financial needs.

You can also explore our reviews of more than 30 life insurance companies so that you'll know more about each insurer when you're getting quotes in our marketplace.

How much will your life insurance cost?

In general, the younger and healthier you are, the cheaper your life insurance will be. A healthy 30-year-old who doesn't smoke pays $26 per month on average for a 20-year term life policy with a $500,000 payout. The same person could expect to pay around $450 per month for a whole life policy with an identical payout.

Learn more about life insurance rates 

What factors affect life insurance quotes and rates?

Age: The younger you are, the lower your premium payments will be. Life insurance rates typically go up 4.5% to 9% every year you age, since we all become riskier to insure as we grow older.

Gender: Women pay an average of 24% less for life insurance than men. Since women often live longer than men, covering women presents less risk to an insurance company.

Health: Serious health conditions can lead to high rates or denied coverage. Mild conditions may have a small impact on the cost of your premiums.

Lifestyle: Insurance companies consider some hobbies — like skydiving or scuba diving past a certain depth — risky enough to increase the cost of your life insurance policy.

The latest research on life insurance from Policygenius Policygenius Life Insurance Price Index

Life insurance rates remained steady in June 2024 according to the Policygenius Life Insurance Price Index (PLIPI). Rates haven't changed since May 2023, when they went up by 1.4%.

46% of Americans expect to pass on debt to their loved ones when they die

Nearly half of American adults expect that if they died today, their loved ones would inherit their debt — and the more they earn, the more likely they are to pass down debt when they die.

Gen Z is 65% less likely than Boomers to turn to financial professionals for advice

But Americans who would turn to financial professionals first are more likely to view life insurance mainly as a way to provide for dependents in the event of their death.

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Father's Day 2024: Quotes, Themes, And History

Every year the third Sunday of June is celebrated as Father's Day falls - this year on the 16th. Celebrating dads is a cherished tradition, and what better way to do so than with heartfelt quotes?

These Father's Day quotes beautifully express the love and gratitude we feel for our dads, often stirring up a bit of emotion.

You might be searching for the ideal quote for your own father, but these sayings are versatile enough to celebrate all the father figures in your life. From grandpas and stepdads to husbands, brothers, uncles, and friends, these quotes honour the many roles that dads and father figures play. Each one highlights the unique and irreplaceable bond that fathers share with their children, making them perfect for any Father's Day card or message.

If you have a specific quote in mind, we have you covered with collections of father-daughter quotes and father-son quotes. Looking to add a bit of humour to your Father's Day wishes? Our selection of epic dad jokes and clever Father's Day puns are sure to bring a smile to your dad's face. No matter how you choose to celebrate, these quotes and jokes are sure to make Father's Day extra special.

Appreciation Messages

Dad, thank you for everything you do for our family every day. You're the best!

You make our family so much fun. We love you, Dad!

Dad, you're the first person I go to for questions or advice. Thanks for always being there.

Thank you for always being there with your love, guidance, and patience.

Dad, thank you for your daily time, your free-flowing care, and your unconditional love. Happy Father's Day!

Even though we might be apart, your guidance and love have always stayed with me. Happy Father's Day!

I'm so thankful to have such a wonderful dad like you. Thank you for everything. Happy Father's Day!

Happy Father's Day to the best dad I could ask for. Thank you for being you!

Dad, you give Superman a run for his money.

Father's Day Wishes Quotes

Dad, you're awesome! Happy Father's Day!

You're the best role model, Dad.

There's no one else I'd rather look up to.

I'm so proud to be your daughter/son.

You'll always have a special place in my heart, Dad.

You've made all my favourite memories.

Happy Father's Day to my biggest hero.

There's no other dad like you in the world.

You're an amazing father and husband!

There's no one else I'd rather parent with.

You inspire me every day. Happy Father's Day!

Father's Day Messages to make him feel special

The older I get, the more I realise how important it is to have a dad like you.

Fathers and kids may not always agree, but they always share a deep bond.

No matter how old I get, I'll always need you, especially since you're such a great dad.

Every year, I appreciate the values you taught me even more.

I wouldn't be who I am today without your support. Thank you, Dad!

You bring so much joy into our lives. I hope we can bring some joy to you today.

Dad, your guiding hand on my shoulder will stay with me forever.

As time goes on, our bond only gets stronger. Thanks for being an amazing role model. Love you, Dad!

Funny Messages

Happy Father's Day from your favourite troublemaker.

Happy Father's Day! You did great — I turned out perfect.

Gouda. Mozzarella. Brie. Sorry for the cheesy card, but I really love you, Dad!

Dad, you might not know everything, but you sure had me fooled for a while.

I wouldn't trade you for anything, Dad. Not that anyone's offered, but I'm sure I wouldn't!

World's greatest farter … I mean father.

Dear Dad, thank you for always saying yes when mom said no.

Happy Father's Day to one of my favourite parents.

Dear Dad, thanks for not leaving me somewhere in a bucket.

Father's Day Quotes

"My father didn't tell me how to live; he showed me by his actions." - Clarence Budington Kelland

"Any man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad." - Unknown

"A father is a man who hopes his son will be as good a man as he aimed to be." - Frank A. Clark

"Dads are ordinary men transformed by love into heroes, adventurers, storytellers, and singers of songs." - Pam Brown

"A father isn't an anchor to hold us back or a sail to take us there, but a guiding light whose love shows us the way." - Unknown

"The older I get, the smarter my father appears to be." - Tim Russert

"A father carries pictures where his money used to be." - Steve Martin

"A father is someone you look up to, no matter how tall you grow." - Unknown

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