70 Best Valentine's Day Jokes for Kids and Adults Too 2024

two line quotes on life :: Article Creator

Inspirational Quotes For The Over-50 Realist

Recently, I was getting a haircut and teasing my long-term stylist about the lack of inspirational-quote décor in her salon station compared to the one next to hers. Of course, she knows that teasing her is how I show my love and appreciation to her for not re-sculpting my earlobes with her straight razor or making my hair look like it was styled with a package of firecrackers.

Our discussion had us both laughing about how corny and unrealistic some inspirational quotes can seem, especially for those of us who are 50 or older. Take this one, for example, which is attributed to Oscar Wilde:

"With age comes wisdom."

Now, I know what Oscar was getting at, but as I've aged, I've come to believe that a more accurate quote would be along these lines:

"With age comes wisdom – if you can remember where you put it."

Below are some other inspirational quotes for the over-fifty realist. (Feel free to decorate your workspace with them.)

We'll start with a few quotes related to the over-50 anatomy, what's left of it, anyway:

"Seizing the day will probably require Tylenol tomorrow."

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, and if I bend down too fast to pick them up, I'll throw out my back."

"Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man yawny, grouchy and tired."

"There is a difference between listening and hearing, and you can't do either if you don't take a hedge trimmer to all of that disgusting hair in your ears."

"You are what you eat, but if you want a six-pack stomach, it had better be bottled water–and it probably still won't work."

"Follow your dreams – just not the one about suddenly discovering that you're naked in public."

"Play like a champion every day, which often means being on the injured reserves with a hernia."

"Count your blessings, not the number of times you have to get up to go to the bathroom each night."

And more bathroom inspiration,

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself – and the aftermath of too much Tex-Mex."

How about some inspiration from our children?

"Children are a gift – until they reach puberty. Then they're more like that weird bump that came up right in the middle of your back."

"She believed she could, so she did (right after she borrowed her dad's credit card)."

"The best things in life are free – except for children, pets, Tex-Mex, a decent mattress, air conditioning, comfortable underwear . . . ."

And while we're on the subject of non-free things,

"Home is where the heart is. It's also where appliance repairs will cost you at least $300."

We'll close with some inspirational randomness:

"If at first you don't succeed, try a different screwdriver."

"It's always darkest before the dawn, especially during Daylight Savings Time."

"Teamwork makes the dream work because you're the one who does all the work and everyone else on the team is a doofus."

And my favorite,

"Believe in yourself – even when your wife points out that you've put on your expensive, comfortable underwear inside out and backwards."

I hope you've gained some inspiration from these quotes, but if you think they're "cringey" or "mid," I hope you're enjoying your dad's credit card.

Jase Graves is an award-winning humor columnist from East Texas. His columns have been featured in Texas Escapes magazine, The Shreveport Times, The Longview News Journal, and The Kilgore News Herald. Contact Graves at susanjase@sbcglobal.Net.

Top 10 Quotes From Drexel's 2024 Commencement

President John Fry on the stage for Drexel's 2024 Commencement ceremony.

3. Vivek Babu, 2024 graduate of biological sciences in the College of Arts and Sciences' BS+MD Early Assurance Program and president of the Undergraduate Student Government Association:

"Ultimately, the sobering reality of graduation is that we do not know where the future lies in six months, a year or even 10 years. But here's what I am certain about: Without community, we are incomplete. When our achievements are rooted in collaboration, authenticity and mutual respect; when we stand in solidarity with those who share our pain and joy; and when we lift one another up in hopes of collective success, our lives are enriched with purpose, optimism and hope for the path ahead of us."

4. Sheryl Lee Ralph:

"Right now, as you step forward, remember that success is not in just grand achievement, but it is in small acts of kindness, courage and integrity. And it's not just about you reaching your own goals — it's about you making sure you bring others with you."

5. Cimi Patani, who graduated this year with a MS in electrical engineering from the College of Engineering and formerly served as president of the Graduate Student Association:

"Have you ever beaten up yourself even after you achieved something, but you went on to compare yourself with others, not giving the credit that you deserve? Relatable, huh? I'm doing it right now. In this world where all advantages are temporary and all disadvantages are permanent, being grateful for your journey, your personal struggles and your personal growth … forces you to appreciate your life and be at peace. It keeps you grounded when striving for more, making even setbacks easier to handle."

Vivek Babu addressed the crowd on the behalf of the undergraduate Class of 2024 at Drexel's Commencement.

6. John Fry:

"237 years ago and five miles north of where we gather today, our Founders created our Constitution, the charter for the world's oldest democracy. At the end of the Constitutional Convention, Benjamin Franklin was asked, 'Well, Dr. Franklin, what have we got? A republic or a monarchy?' Franklin famously replied, 'A republic — if you can keep it.' Members of the Class of 2024: Our democracy and our planet are now yours to protect and to keep. I know both are in good hands."

7. Vivek Babu:

"There will be people who try to convince you that it's a dog-eat-dog world where success demands selfishness. They will insist that your gain, your win, your success must come always at the expense of someone else's failure. And let me be clear: I'm not going to tell you that they are fully wrong. There are indeed moments where bravery becomes non-negotiable and where we must fight tooth and nail for our dreams and build the future we envision for ourselves. But today, as we cross the finish line with diploma in hand, in rain, in sun and in wind, we are tasked with something far greater than ourselves: we are tasked with creating community."

8. Sheryl Lee Ralph:

"Honey, I do not look like my journey. I came off the rough side of the mountain. There were bad breaks, heart breaks, mistakes, disappointments. There were times I thought about giving up, but I learned a very valuable lesson. In this life, there is always somebody waiting right there to block you from your blessing. And that person is you. Nobody can ever, will ever, do a better job of standing in your way than you."

9. Cimi Patani:

"Would you expect yourself to run a marathon with a fractured leg? If your body is telling you something, listen to it intently. If you need rest, time, etc., be respectful enough to acknowledge that. Emotions are to be felt; respect that."

Cimi Patani shown on screen during her speech at Drexel's 2024 Commencement.

10. Sheryl Lee Ralph:

"Switch on your moral compass. It will provide you with a lifelong sense of direction, choosing between right and wrong, and you do know the difference. That moral compass will keep you in touch with integrity in your personal and professional conduct."

The Best 'Outlander' Quotes

Jamie and Claire Fraser have been in love since the moment they met, even if one of them didn't realize it at the time and oops, had another husband in the future. For 200 years, this couple has been at the heart of Outlander and are the reason that it will go down in history as one of television's greatest love stories. Based on the nine-book series by Diana Gabaldon, the quotes uttered between and by Jamie and Claire and throughout the show are some of the most epic lines about love ever said. Gabaldon wrote the book and many of the quotes, and Caitríona Balfe and Sam Heughan brought them to life on screen. For seven seasons, the Outlander gang has been dropping some of the hottest quotes in all centuries. Jamie Fraser leads with the grand love zingers and he's mainly saying them to Claire, but Claire also drops a few of her own right back at him. Consider this list the ultimate Jamie and Claire Fraser quote album of all time. All the times. In many different time periods.

Jamie Fraser once said, "Lord, ye gave me a rare woman… and God I loved her well." And then Claire Fraser said, "But you are my home." And then Jamie and Claire were separated for 20 years. She gave birth to their daughter and lived a whole life without him. And Jamie didn't shave for 10 years, grew a super long beard, and lived alone until he found joy in being a single printer who loved to sell whisky and inexplicably live in a brothel. And we wept.

It's hard to pick the best quotes from a show filled with so many unforgettable lines, but here we go, these are some our favorite Outlander quotes that will truly make you believe in love. And question why your partner can't be throwing out Gabaldons to make you swoon too. Shout out to Heughan, Balfe, Gabaldon, the Outlander writers, and all the Outlander actors who make these written lines sing and stay with us forever. And don't worry, we'll be adding to this grand list, because let's face it, those Frasers can't stop dropping epic hits. As long as they're talking, we'll be listening.

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"If you move so much as a bloody muscle while I'm tying this bandage, I will bloody throttle you." -Claire Randall

In Season 1, Episode 1 – "Sassenach," the very first episode of Outlander when Jamie and Claire first meet, it's not your typical meet-cute. Now when you meet a girl and she puts you through excruciating pain to fix your dislocated shoulder, then yells a multitude of expletives at you including, "Jesus H Roosevelt Christ," and then must revive you when you fall off a horse, and when you come to she yells at you again, you might think, is the girl for me? Yes it is, if you're Jamie Fraser and the girl is Claire Future Fraser. That's their love language. When Claire is bandaging Jamie up after he falls off the horse, she swears at all the men around her and says to Jamie, "If you move so much as a bloody muscle while I'm tying this bandage, I will bloody throttle you." Now that might not seem like the most romantic line, but trust me, if Claire is yelling at you, and swearing at you and invokes a Roosevelt's name, she loves you. And if she calls you a bloody bastard, you're probably going to marry that girl. Other epic lines are uttered in this first episode. Jamie says to Claire, "You're shaking so hard, you're making my teeth rattle." But when Claire reaches out her hand to help Jamie up after bandaging him, he says, "Thank you Sassenach, truly," and Claire says, "On your horse soldier," there was no going back for these two.

"You're a kind woman, with a good touch. Your husband is a lucky man." – Jamie Fraser

In season 1, episode 2, "Castle Leoch," Claire sees Jamie's battered and brutally abused back scars for the first time. Jamie opens up to her about what Blackjack Randall did to him. When Claire bandages Jamie (again), he says to Claire, "You're a kind woman, with a good touch. Your husband is a lucky man." And then Claire bursts into tears.

"You need not be scairt of me. Or anyone else here. So long as I'm with you." – Jamie Fraser

In that same episode, "Castle Leoch," Claire breaks down in Jamie's arms after she thinks of her husband, but it ironically leads to the moment in the series where anyone can see these Jamie and Claire are meant to be. Just look at the way they look at each other. Claire realizes it too and quickly tries to pull away from him. Seeing how scared she is, Jamie says, "You need not be scairt of me. Or anyone else here. So long as I'm with you." Claire replies, "When you're not with me?" The way these two say these lines to each other, you would think they were reciting wedding vows. And the answer to Claire's question is pretty much why most of the Outlander pain happens, when these two are separated. Pretty sure when Claire cried in Jamie's arms is when he fell in love with her. Mainly because he says so. But if you look at when she revives in him the first episode, that man loves her. She's yelling and he's just looking at her with love eyes.

"I'll be right here." -Jamie Fraser

In season 1, episode 5, "Rent," Claire hears a sound outside her door, and opens the door and then trips over Jamie. Furious she asks him why he's sneaking outside her door. Jamie explains he was just sleeping there. In fact, what he was doing is protecting her door, so all the drunk Highlanders don't try and go into her room. Claire and Jamie laugh, and she invites him to sleep in her room near the fire. But Jamie is scandalized! "Sleep in the room with you?! Your reputation would be ruined." Claire laughs and points out they've slept next to each other outside a lot. But always the gentleman, Jamie refuses. Claire says, "Well at least let me give you the blanket off my bed, or is that too scandalous." Then she hands him a blanket and their hands linger in the little blanket handoff and they have what will be quite a few eye sex moments before they're married. Only Jamie and Claire could make a blanket hand off hot.

"You are blood of my blood, bone of my bone." -Jamie and Claire Fraser

Jamie and Claire get married in Season 1, episode 7, "The Wedding,", and in a wedding ceremony twist, Dougal comes over and cuts each of them with a knife, then ties their bleeding wrists together and Jamie tells Claire to recite after him. Together they say these wedding vows, "You are blood of my blood, bone of my bone. I give you my body so we two may be one. I give you my spirit 'til our life shall be done." Claire doesn't look like she's a big fan of all the blood and cutting, but then the priest says you may kiss the bride, and the bride kisses her groom with no regrets. And Jamie starts thinking about bone of my bone's alternate meaning. Sorry. It's true. Come on.

"Blood of my blood, bone of my bone." -Jamie and Claire Fraser

Just so you can see that even when Claire and Jamie are bleeding from the wrists, they still make it look romantic. No notes kids.

"I said I was a virgin, not a monk. If I need guidance, I'll ask." – Jamie Fraser

Okay Jamie Fraser, we get it, you might not know how humans have sex, but you know what you're doing when it comes to the act of love. (I did not just write "act of love" seriously). Sort of. When Jamie kisses Claire for the very first time before they make love for the very first time, Claire asks him, "Where did you learn how to kiss like that?" And then Jamie confidently replies, "I said I was a virgin not a monk. If I need guidance, I'll ask." And Claire swoons. But then Jamie turns her around, and Claire and everyone realize that Jamie might need a little guidance. Give the guy a break, he's only seen horses and snakes do it! But Claire's got the whole guidance thing down. So, they're good. Actually, they're great.

"I said I was completely under your power and happy to be there." – Jamie Fraser

After Jamie and Claire do the deed and consummate their marriage (for the first time that night), Claire gets snacky and walks out and into a sea of Highlanders. She quickly runs back in, and Jamie takes one for the Frasers and deals with all the no-longer-a-virgin jokes to get them some food. When he comes back to the room, with a platter of food, he tells Claire that Dougal told him, "Sit yourself down a while, you don't want to appear too keen to return to your bride. You never want to let a woman see you too eager to please her, it gives her too much power." Claire then asks her new husband what he said to that super misogynistic comment. And Jamie Fraser proves he might be new to marriage and to sex, but he's got game, "I said I was completely under your power and happy to be there." Claire's smile told him that was the correct answer. And then he gives her a piece of cheese. As one does when they're about to get lucky for the second time.

This episode is also when Jamie calls Claire, "Mo nighean donn," for the first time. And Jamie explaining what it means to Claire explains why Claire does what she does next. After Jamie says, "Mo nighean donn," Claire asks, "What does that mean?" Jamie says, "My brown-haired lass," as he touches the back of her neck and hair. Claire says, "Rather a dull color brown, I've always thought." Jamie says, "No not dull at all. It's like the… the water in a burn. The way it ruffles down the rocks. Dark in the wavy spots… Wee bits are auburn when the sun touches it." And then Jamie's touches Claire's neck and she is affected. Deeply affected. This man has thought a lot about her hair. He gave a whole thesis on how the sun hits her hair. How Claire's shift doesn't just go flying off at this point, no one will ever know.

"Take off your shirt. I want to look at you." "Take off yours, fair's fair." – Claire and Jamie Fraser

The wedding episode has so many unforgettable lines, it's hard not to name them all. From "I'm James Alexander Malcolm MacKenzie Fraser," to Claire telling her new husband she wants to see him naked. But instead, she says, "Take off your shirt, I want to look at you." And then Jamie does as he's told, and tells her to take hers off, because, "Fair's, fair." I mean Frasers you can't be matched. Their second time is explosive and Claire audibly appreciates her new husband's not a virgin anymore skills. Jamie gets scared and asks, "Did I hurt you?!" And Claire laughs. And then showed Jamie a few more fun tricks.

"You're tearing my guts out, Claire." -Jamie Fraser

In season 1, episode 9, "The Reckoning," Jamie and Claire's first fight is a doozy. Like seriously, the first time you watch it, your jaw will drop. This is what puts this couple on the map with the greats. It's heart-wrenching, brutal and filled with fear, love and vulnerability. Jamie and Claire go at each other on the side of the road after he's rescued her from Blackjack Randall. Claire calls him out on thinking of her as property and not listening to her because she's a woman. Then she also tries to kick him in the bollocks and I'm Team Claire for a second. But then Jamie points out he went into a place to rescue her from a man who had all but killed him twice. Jamie whispers broken, "You're tearing my guts out." And Claire's done too. She runs to him and says, "I'm sorry, please forgive me." And then Jamie does in one second because it's Jamie and Claire and that's what they do.

"If you ever raise a hand to me again, James Fraser, I will cut your heart out and have it for breakfast." -Claire Fraser

"The Reckoning" continues to be one of the best Outlander episodes in the history of the series. So, this episode has many memorable quotes. Jamie makes a mistake and decides to punish Claire by beating her with a belt. It was the 1700s! And boy did he live to regret that. Jamie tries to apologize to Claire, and drops to his knees and pledged his fealty to her. When she seems unmoved, he looks like he might cry and asks if she can't forgive him. She confesses she shouldn't want to be with him, but she does. Jamie's relieved and then reveals to Claire her wedding ring is a key to his family home, Lallybroch. Jamie tells Claire he's not sure when they'll be able to go back to Lallybroch, "but it does na pain me as much it once might have, you are my home now." James Alexander Malcolm MacKenzie Fraser, you win. Claire's defenses and other things go down pretty quickly after that line.

When Jamie and Claire are, ahem, "reconciling," Claire decides to teach him a little lesson, with a big knife, while they're um, reconciling. She says to Jamie, "If you ever raise a hand to me again, James Fraser, I will cut your heart out and have it for breakfast. Do you understand me? Do you?!" Jamie breathlessly, and powerlessly replies, "You have my word." That she did. And she had something else too. Claire Fraser's multitasking skills reign supreme. Ask Jamie.

"I believe you Sassenach, though it would have been a good deal easier if you'd only been a witch." – Jamie Fraser

In Season 1, episode 11, "The Devil's Mark," Jamie rescues Claire mid-whipping, and probably saves her life as she and Geilles are on trial for being witches. Which honestly they kind of are because they're both time travelers. Seems witchy to me. But, nobody hurts Claire bear and gets away with it. This traumatic event finally pushes Claire to confess to Jamie she is from the future. Before that though, Jamie does say to her, "Are you a witch?" And Claire says, "Are you serious?!" Then she tells him she might as well be, and is from 200 years in the future. And Jamie was probably thinking, "Are you serious?" But thankfully, he told her, "I believe you Sassenach, though it would have been a good deal easier if you'd only been a witch." Truth.

"On your feet soldier, take me home to Lallybroch." – Claire Fraser

In the same episode, "The Devil's Mark," after Jamie learns the truth about his time-traveling wife, he decides to take Claire back to the stones so she can go back to the future and Frank. He leaves her at the stones. And Claire is devastated to watch him go. Ultimately, she can't leave Jamie and goes to find him. She wakes him up and says, "On your feet soldier, take me home to Lallybroch." So, Claire choose Jamie over running water. Oh, and Frank. But we knew Frank never had a chance. Quite frankly, running water had a stronger chance.

"When I'm 40, you'll be 245." -Jamie Fraser

In season 1, episode 12, "Lallybroch," Jamie and Claire are happily galloping along on their horse heading home to Lallybroch. "How old are you Sassenach, never thought to ask?" Jamie asks Claire. She replies, "I'm 27," to which Jamie says, "Oh, I always thought you were my age or younger." Claire ask, "Are you disappointed." And Jamie says, "No, it's just that, when I'm 40 you'll be 245." And Claire laughs, "I think your calculations are a little off." This isn't some grand sweeping quote, but it shows their newfound intimacy and honesty. And Claire's genuine laughter and joy when Jamie's time traveling math goes off the rails.

Sidenote: Balfe and Heughan told us at the beginning of season 7 that when Heughan first saw Balfe on screen, he thought she looked older. And he told her that! And she reminded him 9 years later! And it's all on video, you're welcome.

"Tell that trollop to keep her neb out of my business." -Jenny Fraser Murray

When Claire and Jamie arrive at Lallybroch, chaos breaks out, when Jamie assumes Jenny's son "Little Jamie" is Blackjack Randall's and then Jamie sort of accidentally calls his sister a whore. Oops. Claire tries to calm Jamie down, but before she can finish her sentence, Jenny says, "Tell that trollop to keep her neb out of my business." No, you didn't, Jennifer Several Middle Names Fraser Murray. That's Claire Fraser, your soon to be favorite sister-in-law, who you periodically get mad at just because she's a secret time traveler. But never forget she told you to plant potatoes and saved your entire fam, girl. Also, what's a neb Jenny? Imagine calling Claire Fraser a trollop and living to tell the story. Seriously, look at Claire's reaction. You don't live through that.

"Do I have to do what I did when we were bairns, grab you by the bollocks?" -Jenny Fraser Murray

Things only get worse when Jamie tells Jenny to treat his wife with respect. Jenny fires back, "Do I have to do what I did when we were bairns, grab you by the bollocks and make you stand still and listen to me?" Jamie tells Jenny not to shame him in front of his wife. To which Jenny replies, "Well if she's your wife, I imagine she's more familiar with your balls than I am." Okay, Jenny wins for most embarrassing sister ever. Jamie wasn't exactly in his best form, but that was a shot below the belt, Jenny "Grab You By the Bollocks" Fraser. But ultimately, this is just shows how much those crazy siblings Jamie and Jenny love each other. Although neither of them would admit that in this trollop-bollocks Lallybroch moment. Let's call this incident Lallybollocks going forward. And Claire wins this round, when Ian asks her name and she says, "The Trollop. Otherwise known as Claire Fraser." Yes, indeed.

"I'm not the meek and obedient type." -Claire Fraser

When the reunited Fraser gang goes into Lallybroch and Jenny tells Jamie what really happened with Blackjack Randall, Jenny tells Jamie he should apologize, which he thinks he did, and Claire points out he didn't, because she's right and has ears. But Jenny tells her it's not her business – which is rude Jenny. Team Claire. So then Jamie asks to speak to Claire in private. Oh, this goes well. He tells Claire not to embarrass him. He tells her there's a time place for her to talk. And that goes over as well as you think it will. Claire says, "I'm not the meek and obedient type." And Jamie quickly replies, "I don't think anyone would ever make that mistake, Sassenach." No, they wouldn't. And then the flirty Frasers agree that they'll save their disagreements for private, and Jamie looks like he might actually be looking forward to that. Please know this is also the episode where Ian says to Claire, "Stuffed cabbage Claire?" And Claire says, "No, thank you." And it was all ad-libbed by Cree and Balfe. Cree broke down this scene for us on video.

"I wake up every day and I find that I love you more than I did the day before." -Jamie Fraser

So many things happen in this episode, like when Jamie gets drunk and comes to bed and asks Claire about elephants. Then he's hung over and ends up having to swim naked in the river to fix the mill. But the most important thing that happens is Jamie and Claire say three very important words for the first time. L is for Lallybroch and L is for love. And Lallybroch is the place that Jamie and Claire first say, "I love you." Jamie tells Claire, "There was that long ride together with that lovely round arse wedged tight between my thighs, and that rock solid head thumping me in the chest." Claire asks if that's why he married her, and Jamie says, "I wanted ye from the first moment I saw ye, but I loved you when you wept in my arms that first night at Leoch, but now I wake up every day and I find that I love you more than I did the day before." They kiss and Claire then says simply, "I love you." And Jamie carries Claire off screen for some Lallybrockin'. I bet the beds at Lallybroch were very creaky. And Jenny and Ian probably were like good Lord, they are loud. But that's love guys. What do you expect from Trollop Lallybollocks. That's Jamie and Claire, Jenny's responsible for this.

"I can bear pain myself, but I couldna bear yours." -Jamie Fraser

In season 1, episode 13, "The Watch," Claire tells Jamie she doesn't think she can have children. Jamie's reaction is kind and supportive. He says, "Perhaps it's for the best. So many things can go wrong. I wouldn't want anything to happen to you. Or for you to suffer." Claire says, "I wouldn't mind the pain." Jamie says, "I would, I can bear pain myself, but couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have." And then he hugs Claire and kisses her neck. Swoon, JAMMF. There is no better reaction than this one if someone tells you they can't have kids. Note it. But know you'll never be able to Jamie Fraser this in real life.

"You belong to no one else but me, and I belong to you. And nothing will ever change that." -Claire Fraser

In the season 1 finale, "To Ransom a Man's Soul," Claire has rescued Jamie from Blackjack Randall, who brutalized Jamie for days. She tries to convince a suicidal Jamie not to give up. When he tells her he can no longer be her husband, and opens up to her about the attack. She tells him, "You belong to no one else but me, and I belong to you. And nothing will ever change that." That still doesn't change his feelings of despair and a broken Jamie says to her, "How can you have me like this?" Claire replies, "I'll have you anyway I can. Always."

"I'm pregnant." -Claire Fraser

In the final scene of the season 1 finale, Claire's nervous to tell a healing Jamie some big news. But before he gets seasick, she decides to tell him in the middle of the ocean on a very big boat. "I'm pregnant," she tells a shocked Jamie, who says, "But I thought you couldn't…" And Claire says, "Apparently, I was wrong." Jamie's stunned. Claire looks at Jamie and says, "Well, are you happy?" "I never thought I'd be able to say such a thing again, but yes, yes! I'm verra happy indeed, Sassenach!" They hug and kiss, and for one minute you think Jamie and Claire are finally getting their happy ending as they sail off into the sunset. If you stopped watching the show then, that would be true. But you kept watching, didn't you.

"I wouldn't change you to save the world." -Jamie Fraser

In season 2, episode 1 "Through a Glass, Darkly," Jamie and Claire watch Comte St. Germain's ship burn in the harbor. They have just arrived in France and already are causing chaos. Well, Claire is to be exact, the reason that ship was burning was because Claire discovered smallpox was running amok on it. So up in flames it went, as did the Comte's hatred for Claire.

"Your honeypot is bare!" -Jamie Fraser

Claire Fraser gets waxed. Down there. And Jamie Fraser is shocked. Absolutely shocked. But he's also intrigued by it and realizes he has the coolest wife in France. C'est bon! Also, if you want to say it the way Jamie says it, you have to pronounce it, "Your honeypot ees beer!" Go on, try it.

When Claire shows him she also got her legs waxed, he says, "It's bad enough, but to rid yourself of such a lovely forest." Claire Fraser you win, girl. You win. This man will call your um, southern Claire Fraser, a honeypot and a forest and both are strangely equally adorable.

"You're going to need a bigger fan." -Jamie Fraser

In season 2, Episode 2, "Not in Scotland Anymore," Claire not only gets her nethers Frasered, it's like lasering for a Fraser, but she also helps design a sultry, revealing, and most of all, amazing, red dress. Jamie's reaction is similar to the honeypot, except he says, "Are you mad woman!" But Claire isn't having it. Jamie says, "First your honeypot, now this. You could cover up a bit." And Claire says, "I already thought of that," and whips out a little fan to cover her chest. Jamie smiles, holds out his hand, and says, "You're going to need a bigger fan." Let's be honest when it comes to Claire Fraser, there is no bigger fan than James Alexander Malcolm MacKenzie Fraser, ammirite? I am.

"I think perhaps you've built me a lean-to, and a roof to keep out the rain." -Jamie Fraser

In season 2, episode 4, "La Dame Blanche," Jamie and Claire have a huge fight. But also, a huge love scene. They finally connect physically after Jamie's trauma. During their fight, Jamie tells Claire, "That's where I've been ever since Wentworth. Naked. Alone. Trying to hide under a blade of grass." And then Jamie goes to sleep in another room. Luckily, Claire wasn't having it and goes to the room, drops her gown and well they reconnect finally. Shout out to Balfe, Heughan and Outlander for doing a love scene that actually showed a pregnant woman. Claire tells Jamie, "Come find me. Come find us," and puts his hand on her belly. Afterwards, Jamie tells Claire, "Remember I told you I was lost?" Claire replies, "You were trying to hide under a blade of grass." Jamie says, "I think perhaps you've built me a lean-to at the least," then he puts his hand on her stomach, "and a roof to keep out the rain."

"Wee one, it's your father. I canna wait to meet you." – Jamie Fraser

In Season 2, episode 6, "Best Laid Schemes," Jamie and Claire are in bed and Jamie has his hand on Claire's stomach and feels the baby move. "Did he just?!" he asks Claire, she replies, "Yes, she did, she's been doing it a lot more recently. He asks Claire if the baby can hear him. "Daughter? Wee one, it's your father. I canna wait to meet you." And then Jamie kisses Claire, but stops, because he's not sure if they can have sex while she's pregnant. Claire assures him he won't hurt them. But also hilarious that Jamie thinks he will bop his baby on the head in-utero. Never change, Jamie Fraser, never change. At the end of the episode, Claire miscarries their daughter Faith. And Jamie never meets his daughter. Sorry for the pain.

"The only way we can live with it is to carry it, together." -Jamie Fraser

After Claire has lost the baby, and she frees Jamie from a French prison by unfortunately having to sleep with the king. (As one does? But also, how awful, she was postpartum still born delivery and had to sleep with some loser King, hello trauma). Jamie comes home and she's angry. She tells him the baby was a girl and describes what their daughter looked like and how she held her. She tells Jamie she hated him, but blames herself for the loss. Jamie tells her it's not her fault. Claire asks Jamie, "How can we ever be the same?" Jamie replies, "The weight of what has happened here is too much for any one of us to bear alone. The only way we can live with it is to carry it, together." He goes on, "We lost our child. But by the grace of God we may be given another." Claire says, "Then bring me home. To Scotland." Jamie tearfully says, "To Scotland." But before they leave, they visit their daughter Faith's grave together. And we all wept. Still hurts. Faith Fraser's still in France. That was an unnecessary sentence but I still wrote it, because I thought it, so you have to read it.

"Yes, you will, you stubborn Scot! Am I not Lady Broch Tuarach?" -Claire Fraser

In season 2, episode 11, "Vengeance is Mine," everything goes off the rails for Jamie, Claire, Dougal and team. They get cornered by the English, and Claire must give herself up to the English to save everyone. But Jamie is not having it. Neither is Claire. Jamie says, "I will not give you up!" Claire yells back, "Yes, you will, you stubborn Scot! Am I not Lady Broch Tuarach?" Can't fight facts Jamie! You're probably wondering, how is this a romantic quote? Because anytime Claire calls Jamie a Scot, it's love. Trust me. It also means she's real mad. Jamie relents, and he kisses Claire goodbye, she says, "We will find each other. Trust in that." In this same episode, Sandringham tries to take out Claire and Jamie, but luckily he's beheaded. Never cross Jamie and Claire. They literally will behead you. Ask Geilles.

"Lord, you gave me a rare woman. And God I loved her well." – Jamie Fraser

In the season 2 finale, "Dragonfly in Amber," Jamie and Claire are about to say goodbye forever since the war is starting and Claire is pregnant. Claire panics and tearfully tells Jamie, "I'm not ready, come with me!" Jamie tells her, "I'll find you, I promise, if I have to endure 200 years in purgatory, 200 years without you, that is my punishment." He then kisses her and says, "When I stand before God, I'll have one thing to weigh be against all the rest. Lord, you gave me a rare woman. And God I loved her well." And then Jamie and Claire make love for the last time in what would be 20 years!

"But you are my home." "And you are mine." -Claire and Jamie Fraser

Before arriving at the stones, Jamie tells Claire he knows she's pregnant. And she must go back through the stones, "back home," to the future. Claire says, "But you are my home." "And you are mine, but this home is lost," Jamie tells her, "now you and the bairn must go to safe place." Oof.

After making love one last time. Claire gives Jamie the dragonfly in amber wedding gift from Hugh Munro and recites their wedding vows to him, "Blood of my blood," she begins, and Jamie continues "And bone of my bone, as long as we both shall live." They slow dance to the stones. Bereft, Claire says, "I love you." "And I you," Jamie replies. And then Claire disappears. Jamie goes off to die. And they are separated for 20 years. And this kind of heartbreak should be illegal.

"That amount of time doesn't exist." -Claire Fraser

In season 3, episode 3, "All Debts Paid," Frank tells Claire he's going to divorce her and move to England with Brianna. Claire isn't having that. In fact, she says, "Well, Brianna is my daughter, and you will not take her anywhere!" Yeah, we all knew that wouldn't go over well. Claire goes pretty mama bear feral on Franky, but he deserves it. And then Frank says the quiet part out loud. He tells Claire, "You couldn't look at Brianna without seeing him, could you? Without that constant reminder. Him. Might you have forgotten him with time?" Claire replies softly yet strongly, "That amount of time doesn't exist." Fact. And just like that, I became a Frank fan for one minute. Without that question, we wouldn't have gotten that epic line. And Frank is so deeply sad here. And it's heartbreaking that he knew, not even Jamie being dead (by like 100+ years) could make his wife love him again. And that's sad. Pour one out for Frank. Who died shortly after this.

"The day you were born, and I held you in my arms, and nursed you for the first time, and you looked up at me, I've never felt anything else like it." -Claire Fraser

Claire and Brianna are leaving a reception in late Frank's honor. And they run into Randy Sandy, Frank's girlfriend, who is none too happy with Claire. Brianna can tell Claire is upset, and reminds her they promised no more secrets. You know, like, "Your Dad is actually a red-headed man from 200 years ago, and I'm a time traveler, tee-hee." Claire tells her who Sandy was. And Brianna wonders if Frank hated her since she wasn't his real daughter. Claire assures her that she was Frank's life's joy. But then Brianna asks, "What about you, there must have been a part of you that resented me. I'm the reason you lost Jamie." Claire says, "Never." She continues, "The day you were born, and I held you in my arms, and nursed you for the first time, and you looked up at me, I've never felt anything else like it. I love you for you Brianna. Not for the man who fathered you."

"Do not be afraid." "It's the two of us now." -Claire and Jamie Fraser

In the long-awaited reunion episode in season 3, episode 6, "A. Malcolm," Claire and Jamie finally reunite. Claire travels 200 years and then says, "It isn't Georgie, it's me…. Claire." And Jamie, overcome with the Claireness of it all, promptly faints. Claire runs to him. His first word is, "Claire." They stand up and Jamie tells Claire, "I would very much like to kiss you. May I?" Claire says, "Yes." And then they kiss for the first time in 20 years. And all is right in the world. Jamie tells Claire he saw her in his dreams but she never touched him. Claire says, "I can touch you now. Do not be afraid." "It's the two of us now," Jamie finishes and then they kiss again. But then Geordie returns and starts yelling at them. Go away, Geordie!

"Time doesn't matter Sassenach, you will always be beautiful to me." -Jamie Fraser

The reunion episode continues to be the gift of endless Outlander quotes. When Claire gives Jamie photographs of their daughter. He is embarrassed but puts on his tiny little reading glasses. Claire tells him, "You look dashing as ever." Then she admits she has some gray hair, and dyes her hair. Jamie touches her face and says, "Time doesn't matter Sassenach, you will always be beautiful to me." Jamie and Claire, older and cuter. They just can't help it.

"Do it now, and don't be gentle." -Claire Fraser

There are simply too many quotes to list here in the reunion love scene. When Jamie and Claire start removing each other's clothing, super slowly I might add. Might be the longest love scene on television. Claire is naked first. And Jamie says nothing, so she says, "Would you bloody well say something?" Jamie replies, "Christ Claire, you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen." They get down to business, and then after a few head butts, the finally make love after 20 years. And Claire is ready, she tells Jamie, "Do it now, and don't be gentle." Okay, girl. Tell your husband what you want. He's there for it. And he is. Afterwards, Jamie is delivering a monologue appreciating his wife's body, and says, "I couldna look at ye and keep my hands from ye nor be near ye and not want you." Claire kisses him and asks, "Is that how you felt the first time we lay together." Jamie replies, "It's always been forever for me, Sassenach." These two can't just have 20-year mind-bending sex, they have to be all poetic about it. Later, before they fall asleep, Claire sees Jamie's scar from Culloden and tells him, "I will never leave you again." He tells her she had to leave because of Brianna, "You are a wonderful mother Claire, I know it…. Because of her, we will live forever, you and I." Then they fall asleep, wake up, do it again. Claire asks Jamie if he fell in love with anyone else after she left. "No, Sassenach, I never loved anyone but you," he tells her.

"Do you know what it is to live 20 years without a heart? To live half a man and accustom to exist in the bit that's left."- Jamie Fraser

In season 3, episode 8, "First Wife," Claire learns Jamie married Laoghaire in the worst way possible, as in Laoghaire and her daughters burst into Jamie and Claire's bedroom at Lallybroch. It goes bad, real bad. For Jamie. For Claire. For everyone actually. Jamie and Claire have a huge fight. Probably not since "The Reckoning" have these two fought in such an unhinged way.

As Claire tries to leave, Jamie prevents her from leaving and begs her to listen. He says, "Do you know what it is to live 20 years without a heart? To live half a man and accustom to exist in the bit that's left." Claire spits back, "Do I know? Do I know how that feels? Yes, you bastard, I know." Team Claire, she knows.

I wish Claire had replied, "Do you what it's like to live with Frank?" Kidding. Frank was fine. And he did help raise Brianna, but Frank also hid that Jamie was alive from Claire, so that's why he's just "fine." And nothing more. Back to Claire and Jamie's fight, Claire continues, "What did you think I went back to Frank and lived happily ever after?" Jamie yells, "Sometimes I hoped you did. And sometimes, I could see it. Him with you, day and night, lying with ye, taking your body, holding my bairn!" And then Claire yells back, "Well, I don't have to imagine Laoghaire." And then their fight gets physical and Jamie yells he would do anything to keep Claire. Then he kisses her. And she slaps him. And then they're on the ground, and Jamie who's on top of Claire now, says, "I love you and only you." And then they start making out, and are well on their way to having very loud sex, when Jenny bursts in, throws water on them, and yells, "Stop it! Fighting and ruttin' like wild beasts, and no caring if the whole house hears ye!" Yes, exactly that Jenny. Go away! But then Claire runs out, and long story short, Claire tries to leave the next day, but Laoghaire shows up with a gun, and shoots Jamie, and Claire stays to take all the bullets out, but she's still mad.

"Ye belong with me. We are mated for life, Sassenach." -Jamie Fraser

While Claire and Jamie are alone on a cliff, watching Young Ian swim across to an island. Claire expresses doubt, "I'm just not sure if we belong together anymore." Now, I will say, this line is the most un-Claire line in the show. Thankfully, Jamie agrees says, "How can ye say that?" Agree, how Claire? Jamie tells her, "Being a printer was naught, compared to being your husband." Claire confesses she's been haunted by his memory for 20 years and then says it's been so much harder than she thought to come back. Jamie says, "When has it ever been easy?" True, sir. True. Claire's doubts leads to this great line when Jamie says, "Ye belong with me. We are mated for life, Sassenach. Will you risk the man I am for the sake of the one ye once knew?" Before she can answer they see Young Ian is about to get snatched by pirates. But her eyes told us everything. She's Claire Fraser, there's no changing that ever.

"I like the gray. The way the light hits it. Like a piece of silver moonlight." -Jamie Fraser

In season 3, episode 9, "The Doldrums," Claire and Jamie are off on a boat (again) to find Young Ian. After Jamie's seasickness goes away with a little help from acupuncture needles, he and Claire decide to engage in a little boat sex. Afterwards, Jamie is holding her and touches her hair. "I like the gray. The way the light hits it. Like a piece of silver moonlight." Claire smiles and simply says, "How could I not love a man who says such things." Jamie Fraser, trying to put Miss Clairol out of business one swoony statement at a time.

"Bolt the door.

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