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91 Father's Day Jokes That Prove You Inherited Dad's Sense Of Humor

Have you ever wondered when a joke becomes a dad joke? When the punchline is apparent. Ba-dum-tss.

How about the father who bought a pair of camouflage pants? Now no one can find him.

Speaking of parents, Father's Day is the perfect time to let the dad, husband or grandfather in your life know just how much they mean to you with a thoughtful gift or, better yet, by telling him one of these funny Father's Day jokes.

Whatever Father's Day activities you've got planned can only be improved upon by adding a few chuckles to the mix.

Not only will you make dear ol' dad smile, but you'll also be providing new material for his one-man comedy show. Because while he's got plenty of his own funny gags, one can never have too many.

Of course, you still need to pick up a present or a greeting card with a thoughtful message written inside. It's Father's Day after all, and you can't let Sunday slip by without letting that special guy know just how much you love and appreciate all he's done for you.

In the end, however, it's laughter that's the real gift, and you'll find everything you need right here to provide a belly laugh or two.

Funny Father's Day one-liners

My father spilled invisible ink all over himself. He's at the hospital waiting to be seen.

My dad quit his job as an archeologist. Now his career is in ruins.

The last time my dad played baseball he got arrested. Apparently he tried to steal second base.

My dad's computer caught a cold. He must have left a window open.

My dad said he wanted something groundbreaking for Father's Day. So I got him a shovel.

Did you hear about the father who cut off his left leg? He's all right now.

I never liked my dad's facial hair. But now it's starting to grow on me.

My dad bought a pair of camouflage pants. Now I can't find him.

My father doesn't like trees. He thinks they're shady.

For Father's Day, my dad asked for a gift with no strings attached. So I bought him a broken guitar.

Why did the grandpa throw a clock out the window? He wanted to see time fly.

I got my dad a book about glue once. He couldn't put it down.

My dad won't play cards in the jungle. He says there are too many cheetahs.

My grandfather got fired from the keyboard factory. He wasn't putting in enough shifts.

My dad wanted to listen to music while we were fishing. So I put on something catchy.

What did the papa cow say to the baby cow? It's pasture bedtime.

Best Father's Day jokes

My dad really loves math. And then sum.

What did the cheerleader serve for Father's Day breakfast? Cheerios.

What do lobsters do on Father's Day? Shellabrate their dads.

Where do cows go on dates? The moo-vies.

What does the pig give his dad for Father's Day? Lots of hogs and kisses.

What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.

When is a door not a door? When it's ajar.

Why did the football coach go to the bank? He wanted to get his quarter back.

What do you call a moose with no name? Anonymoose.

Where do cows get their clothes? From cattle-logs.

My father used to be afraid of hurdles. But he got over it.

Why didn't the sun go to college? It already had a million degrees.

Why can't you borrow money from elves? They're always a little short.

How do trains eat? They choo-choo.

Why don't leopards play hide-and-go-seek? They're always spotted.

How do Eskimos fix broken dishes? With igloo.

Why did the belt go to jail? It held up a pair of pants.

What's the downside to birthdays? Too many will kill you.

What do you call a rude cow? Beef jerky.

Why do golfers always have an extra pair of pants? In case they get a hole in one.

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. Summer wasn't bad either.

Why shouldn't you argue with a dinosaur? You'll get jurasskicked.

What do you call a dad who falls through the ice? A pop-sicle.

Where do fruits go on vacation? Pear-is!

What did the baby otter say to its dad? You are a dad like no otter.

What has more letters than the alphabet? The post office.

When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline is apparent!

Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Never-lands.

What did the accountant say while auditing a document? This is taxing.

Why did the orange stop halfway across the road? It ran out of juice.

Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? It lost its filling.

How do pigs wake up their dad on Father's Day? With plenty of hogs and kisses.

Why are fish so smart? Because they swim in schools.

Why should you never use a dull pencil? Because it's pointless.

Did you hear about the cheese factory that got blown up? Da brie was everywhere.

How do you identify a dogwood tree? By its bark.

How do you make Lady Gaga cry? Poker face!

I just invented a car that runs on herbs… I think I invented thyme travel.

What do you call fake spaghetti? Impasta!

What do you call someone who isn't a dad but tells dad jokes? A faux pa.

What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

I saw a guy at the bank checking his balance so I pushed him over.

Did you hear about the yacht builder that had to work from home? His sails went through the roof.

Father's Day jokes for the whole family

What do you call a cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese!

Why did the phone buy glasses? Because it lost its contacts.

Swimming with sharks is so expensive. It cost me an arm and a leg!

What did the buffalo say to his son as he walked out the door? Bi-son.

How much do roofs cost? Nothing. They're on the house!

What do frogs wear on their feet in summer? Open toad sandals.

The only reason I went to Wimbledon was because I heard it was a women's singles event.

My wife laughed at me when I told her I could make a car out of macaroni. You should've seen her face when I drove pasta!

I'd tell you the joke about the butter, but I don't want you to spread it!

How do celebrities keep cool? They have many fans.

I had a long conversation with a dolphin once. We just seemed to click.

It was a lovely wedding, even the cake was in tiers.

The police just arrested the world's tongue twister champion. They say he'll be given a tough sentence.

My dad adopted a dog from the local blacksmith. As soon as he got him home, he made a bolt for the door.

I've got a pen that can write underwater. It can write other words, too, but underwater is one of my favorites.

What does a baby computer call its dad? Data.

What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.

What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? "Supplies!"

Which days are the strongest? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.

What did one toilet say to the other toilet? You look flushed.

Why did the boy bring a ladder on the bus? He wanted to go to high school.

What did one plate say to the other plate? Dinner's on me.

Why do ducks have feathers on their tails? To cover their butt-quacks.

Why did Mickey Mouse go into space? He wanted to find Pluto.

What makes music in your hair? A headband.

How do you know when the moon has had enough to eat? It's full.

I woke up this morning and couldn't remember which side the sun rises on. Then it dawned on me.

What did the horse say after it fell? I've fallen and I can't giddy up.

What did the book join the police? It wanted to go undercover.

What's the best way to watch a fishing show? Live stream.

How does Darth Vader like his toast cooked? On the dark side.

This story first appeared on TODAY.Com. More from Today:

25 Quarantine Quotes That Are Actually Pretty Funny

Quarantine Quotes That Are Actually Pretty FunnyReader's Digest

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1 / 26

Full meme ahead!

There's absolutely nothing funny about the coronavirus pandemic. But being quarantined with your family while trying to homeschool your kids and work a job? Face it, things can get pretty hilarious. And weird! Are you still on the hunt for toilet paper or did you manage to squirrel away enough to last for the next several decades? Are you suddenly a homeschool teacher? Great! Are your kids just the most delightful students? No? Are they driving you bonkers yet? How about your spouse? Are they keeping things sanitized or eating all the snacks while learning to play the guitar? Read on for the funny quotes you need to get you through quarantine! If you're feeling extra desperate for a laugh (and who isn't?!) here are 50 jokes so bad that you can't help but giggle.

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Top-secret mission

Mission accomplished? Hopefully, you've got enough TP to get you through. Everyone scrambled to make sure they had enough which left paper product store shelves empty. It does seem like an absolute must-have, but believe it or not, toilet paper wasn't even available in stores before 1857. You may need a back-up plan yourself. So, what did folks do? They actually went with stones (hope they were smooth!) and these other things that people used before toilet paper existed.

3 / 26

Best intentions

Look, no pressure! It's hard to be productive when there's a global pandemic going on. Napping is healthy. Take some time to enjoy a slower pace. You know exercise is good for you, but walks (while practicing social distancing) and some meditative deep breaths also count right now. However, if you need some inspiration to get going, check out these 8 geniuses who made history while in quarantine.

4 / 26

The grass is always greener

People with kids: you signed up for this. You know you did. Time to grin and bear it. You'll be OK. They grow and change. Eventually. People without kids: just go back to your relaxing, uninterrupted, glorious self-care. Luxuriate. For the ones out there who can't.

6 / 26

It's hard out there for a bug

It's so important to shelter in place right now, so at least quarantining helps starve the mosquitoes! Everything you love (and hate) about warm weather life will eventually return. Actually, mosquitoes are a necessary part of the ecosystem because they help with pollination and provide food for fish.

7 / 26

Inside a dog's mind

Ideally, quarantining with your dog is training you to be cuter than you normally are. Why do dogs get so excited when looking out the window? Is it happiness or anxiety? Don't miss all the reasons your dog does what she does—like have a sense of smell thousands of times better than yours! Here are 30 more fun facts about dogs.

8 / 26

What day is it?

A big shout out to tom @pilau on Twitter for pointing out that we have lost all track of time. It's a totally stressful time, but the best thing to do is to keep yourself and others safe by staying in—even if that means one day runs into the next.

9 / 26

Dad still has it

Gotta hand it to Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes on Twitter for keeping the quarantine corny. Quaran-cringe. Buh-dum-tiss. Hey, dads out there! Time to fire up your joke combustion engine and get all hands on deck! Put this one in your pocket and pull it out when your kids need to roll their eyes again! If you need more dad-based wit, check out the guaranteed LOLs (lots of lame!) in these 26 bad dad jokes from Twitter.

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The quarantine diet

Your fridge is not judging you, even though it seems like it. Three meals a day (plus two snacks!) makes zero sense during a quarantine. Go ahead and triple that and you should be all set with the proper amount of meals. Still hungry? Here are 20 extra cheesy food jokes to keep you healthy.

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Close quarters

Awwww. True romance can turn up anywhere. We're so glad Vino @steelydanalbum on Twitter is giving hope to hunkered down lovebirds out there. If you need more inspiration, here's a couple who've worked at home together for three years.

12 / 26

Do they ever stop talking?

They're probably talking about how they want crackers too right? And snacks. And how they want the iPad for "just ten extra minutes." There is nothing like the energy of a child who has mastered narrating events as they happen, telling you the names of nearby objects, and utilizing the word "why" about everything, including facts they know—like what bedtime is.

14 / 26

I'm a little lonely…

Thanks to Elizabeth Hackett @LizHackett on Twitter for telling it like it is. Say "hey" to the lamp for us!

15 / 26

Aye, aye, matey!

As a parent, you always know the best way to answer the hard questions. The perfect example of A+ parenting is Sarah J White @DrSarahJWhite on Twitter. The corona pirates are out there and so, for now, everyone is staying in. Exactly. If you need more laughs (and you know you do) here are 27 of the funniest parenting tweets on Twitter.

16 / 26

Always be prepared

Hey, Abby Heugel @AbbyHasIssues on Twitter, agreed. You are the queen of this crisis. Yes! Why do we all have these bags full of plastic bags? Make sure they're all disinfected, tuck them away, or recycle them once it's safe to go out and about again.

17 / 26

Who needs a calendar?

If you're going a little stir crazy (or a lot) try a virtual tour of a museum to catch your bearings and get a glimpse of all the fantastic things in the outside world. You can also get your family or roommates organized for a good, old-fashioned board game tournament. Here are the best-reviewed board games to pull out of the closet or have delivered to keep everyone's spirits up.

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Who is the grown-up?

Why won't parents listen? Thank you, Brigid Delaney @BrigidWD on Twitter for perfectly articulating the great irony that is being an adult with parents, who need to parent their parents. Adulting, indeed!

20 / 26

Step away from the scissors

Challenge not accepted! You might end up with a mullet or a shag. It'll be OK. These hairdos will be coming back in style soon. Also, it's perfectly acceptable to wear a hat during your video conference call. You won't be the only one. Here are 11 work-from-home cartoons that we can all relate to right now.

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You got this

Anyone who was sent to their room on the regular knows how to get through quarantine. Lie on the bed, stare at the ceiling, blast the music (earphones optional), and brood. You've got this. Introverts are also in their element right about now. Alone time. It's a way of life.

22 / 26

You're the teacher now

Homeschooling. Deep breaths. There are millions upon millions of students, teachers, and parents moving to online education from home. Consider it an adventure. It might be time to take advice from the experts.

23 / 26

They re-invented math?

If you don't put the little slash through it and carry the other number over then, is it even math?

25 / 26

Pants optional

Thank you, Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome on Twitter for speaking truth to power.

26 / 26

Trick question

There is no right or wrong answer here because there is no choice. Trick question! So, bunk in, hunker down, consider all you have to be grateful for and stay inside. It's the best way to flatten the curve and save lives, but everyone has to do their part.

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101 Funny Jokes To Have Up Your Sleeve

Ok ok, so we're not claiming to be Ed Gamble or James Acaster, but sometimes you just need a funny joke up your sleeve. Maybe a first date just got a bit awkward, or you're trying to make your niece laugh. Or maybe you need to help a friend cheer up, or you've just been approached by one of those TikTokers shouting "If you make me laugh I will buy you a car."

Here are 101 funny jokes to have up your sleeve, even if you do think they're a bit cringe.

Short jokes

How do you know if a vampire is unwell?

Because he'll be coffin

Where do pirates get their hooks?

Second hand shops

Why did the bicycle collapse?

It was too tyred

What kind of music do bubbles hate?

Pop

Why did the hairdresser win the race?

He knew a shortcut

How did the picture end up in prison?

It was framed

What do solicitors wear to work?

Lawsuits

Why did the bullet lose its job?

It got fired

Why can't a toe be 12 inches long?

Then it'd be a foot

Want to hear a joke about a roof?

The first one's on the house

What does a house wear?

Address!

What did one wall say to the other?

"I'll meet you at the corner"

Why is grass so dangerous?

It's full of blades

What's orange and sounds like a carrot?

A parrot

Why do French people eat snails?

They don't like fast food

Where do hamburgers and hot dogs go dancing?

A meatball

They just log on!

Sign language

What's America's favourite soda?

Mini soda

Why shouldn't you trust atoms?

Because they make up everything

How was Rome split in two?

With a pair of Caesars

Why can't you give Elsa a balloon?

She'll let it go

What kind of music do planets like?

Neptunes

What did one hat say to the other?

You stay here. I'll go on ahead.

Why is Peter Pan always flying?

He neverlands

How do you follow a book?

You track their footnotes

What's the biggest problem with snow boots?

They melt

Food jokes

What do PHD students eat when they're hungry?

Academia nuts

Why should you always knock before opening the fridge door?

In case there's a salad dressing

Why couldn't the sesame seed stop talking?

He was on a roll

Why do prawns never share?

Because they're shellfish

What did the cheese say to himself in the mirror?

Halloumi!

What do you call a drunk parsnip?

A steaming vegetable

Why did the mushroom go to the party?

Because he was a fungi

Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?

Because he lost his filling

What did one pickle say to the other?

Dill with it

What food is never on time?

Choco-late!

What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta

How much room should you give to the funghi?

As mushroom as you can

What do you call a cup of coffee with a pair of trousers in it?

A cupachinos

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin?

Gourdgeous

How does Reese eat her ice cream?

Witherspoon

Animal jokes

What's the most famous fish?

A starfish!

What are spiders really good at?

Surfing the web

What do you call a magic dog?

A labracadabrador

How does a farmer keep track of his cattle?

With a cow-culator

What do you call an alligator detective?

Where would you find a giraffe?

Why don't they play cards in the jungle?

How do you measure a slug?

What social events do spiders love to attend?

What do you get from a pampered cow?

Why aren't koalas considered bears?

What do you call a well-balanced horse?

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

What's the smartest insect?

Where do cows go on Friday nights?

How do you make a baby snake cry?

What do you call a chicken that makes jokes?

What are caterpillars scared of?

Why didn't the lion win the race?

Why did the bee get married?

Why can't the leopard hide?

What kind of jacket does an octopus wear?

What do you call a singer with a laptop on her head?

When is a door not a door?

What do toilets do when they're embarrassed?

How do you organise a space-themed party?

Why do pancakes always win at cricket?

Why did the robot arrive at the event so tired?

What do runners eat before a race?

How do you stop an astronaut's toddler from crying?

What do you call an unpredictable camera?

Why shouldn't you use a broken pencil?

What did the policeman say to his nipple?

Why couldn't the sailor learn the alphabet?

Why was Cinderella so bad at rugby?

What did the dentist win at the competition?

What do you call a skeleton with only a head?

What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

Why do ghosts like to take the lift?

What do you call a patronising bear?

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Why didn't the skeleton never go on dates?

Do you want to hear a construction joke?

Why doesn't Dracula have any friends?

What do you call a guy who's really loud?

What do you call a retired vegetable?

Why shouldn't you marry a calendar?

Why do barbers make good drivers?

What do you call a detective that accidentally solves the case?

What's it called when you have too many aliens?

What should you do if you're cold?

What does a clock do when it's hungry?

Why did Shakespeare always write with a pen?

What does one eye say to the other eye?

What was Forrest Gump's email password?

Why should you never trust stairs?

What's the spookiest kind of author?

What did the comedian say to Harry Potter?

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