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5 Long-Distance Date Ideas To Spice Up Your LDR

As someone whose idea of the perfect day is lying in bed watching Netflix and FaceTiming loved ones (okay, maybe with a gentle walk mixed in for variety), I should have excelled at being in a long-distance relationship. During the year that I lived in Austin while dating my partner in Los Angeles, however, I frequently found myself getting frustrated—not with the relationship itself, but with our inability to see each other more than once a month or so. Yes, I loved being in actual love for the first time, and yes, it was fun to have someone to daydream about in absentia, but at a certain point, the old "What did you have for lunch today?" text query started to feel old.

My long-distance relationship turned into an in-person one when I moved to LA last year, but for anyone looking for ways to make their LDR at least feel more IRL, I've rounded up a few tips and tricks. Below, five long-distane date ideas to test out with your partner.

Watch the same movie at the same time

You probably remember this move from the quarantine phase of the COVID pandemic (I once spent an extremely entertaining and, in retrospect, slightly sad evening streaming A Cinderella Story with my besties across three different state lines), but simulcasting a favorite film with your long-distance partner can make you feel like you've just seen each other, even if it's actually been weeks or months since you were in the same room. Personally, I'd opt for a thoughtful-yet-funny favorite like Broadcast News, but when in doubt, go Pixar. (It's a cliche for a reason.)

Write actual, physical letters

As I've mentioned, I'm an extremely online girlie, so this practice was somewhat foreign to me. (Who am I, a Bridgerton character?) But now that I'm about to move in with my partner, I'm so glad to have a stash of the letters and notes they wrote me as a kind of souvenir from that strange, but wonderful, time. Maybe I'll frame them and put them in our living room? Actually, no, that seems smug.

Have an online-shopping fashion show

I love online-shopping as much as the next addled millennial, but I have to admit that I often miss the teen ritual of stepping out of the changing room, showing an item off to my friends, and engaging in a very serious round-table discussion about whether I should buy it or not. When my partner and I were long-distance, I discovered that trying on clothes for them via FaceTime or Zoom could have much the same effect; they were much kinder about how I looked in virtually everything than my inner critic could ever hope to be, and their benevolent presence made even wedging myself into a slightly-too-small Girlfriend Collective swimsuit feel like a special occasion.

Master the art of the random gift

There's nothing more exciting than opening your door or mailbox to find that someone has sent you a surprise treat—especially when that someone is your long-distance partner, and the purpose of said treat is simply to make your day a little more joyful. My partner and I sent each other everything from rare candy to handmade shirts to (occasionally) fancy Caviar meals during our long-distance year, and while my inclination has always been to call them up and shout, "HEY, YOU'RE GETTING A PRESENT," there's something even cuter about keeping mum until the gift has actually been delivered.

When all else fails, meet up in the cheapest place you can

Okay, this one is kind of a cheat, but hear me out. My partner and I used to set alerts for cheap flights to visit each other, but when even a dreaded Spirit flight from Austin to LA was too expensive, we instead agreed to meet up in a third city—Phoenix, in our case—that would be cheaper for us both to get to. Sure, we had to shell out on Airbnbs, meaning we probably didn't save all that much money in the end, but there's something extremely romantic about meeting in a place where neither of you live and beginning the methodical process of figuring out where the good gay bar is. (Boycott Bar on North 7th Ave, I miss you!)

How To Maintain Long-distance Love

Whether you met a hottie while traveling, are moving temporarily for school, or simply can't be in physical proximity to your lover because there's a barely-controlled pandemic, it's a good idea to know about maintaining relationships over distance. 

I checked in with a few folks who have sustained love over the miles.

KR and partner (together for several years, partner is 3,700 miles away): 

A long-distance relationship is definitely not my first choice for a relationship style. Once you've made the conscious decision to be emotionally or sexually connected to someone from a distance, then you can actually have a lot of freedom to define how the relationship works best for you and your partner.

In my circumstance, my partner and I were separated because of immigration. The beginning was full of longing, wistful texts of "I love you" and "I can't stop thinking of you." There was just so much emotion that we wanted to stay as connected as possible. We told each other that we would always be in each other's pocket. 

Similarly, feelings of sexual frustration ran high, but video chats were new and exciting, so this satisfied our craving for sexual intimacy. As time went on, we had to continually check-in and explore how we wanted our intimacy and sexuality to evolve in a way that allowed us to actually live our separate day-to-day lives.

"As time went on, we had to continually check-in and explore how we wanted our intimacy and sexuality to evolve in a way that allowed us to actually live our separate day-to-day lives."

To maintain our emotional intimacy, we always start the day with a video chat to share any joys or worries about the day ahead. For sexual connectedness, we have explored sending suggestive photos throughout the day, planning sexy video chat dates, and talking all about things we are interested in as well as things we are curious about trying or learning about when we are together next. These open and frank conversations have allowed us to reach a deeper level of understanding each other as well as ourselves so that when we do someday get to live together that we might just be way ahead of the curve communication-wise.

RT & partner (together 8 years, 1,960 miles away):

It probably makes a difference that our long-distance sexual relationship is grounded in an in-person sexual relationship. We do a lot of texting each other sexy things and talking about sex on text. When we have sex, it sometimes is on video chat, but more often a combination of text and audio recordings. For us, a lot of what we do from afar is also shaped by our D/s dynamic.

We text all day, and we used to have set date nights to talk, but now we make sure to say hi and hear each other's voices every day. We send a lot of audio messages, pictures of our day, from the mundane to the exciting to sexy. And after a lot of practice, we've done prolonged scenes essentially that involve, honestly, what just feels like fucking from afar, where it's not doing it for yourself at all, it's because the other person is really guiding whatever it is, giving instructions, and responding.

Stephanie and Johan (together 1 year, 4,000 miles apart):

We envision dates we would like to have, and then go on them! Bring the other over video chat and share the experience. Once I took Johan to a Swedish goods shop in Lancaster, and he advised me of all the best candy and treats to buy. It was very special. Sending little surprise gifts to each other helps your partner feel thought of. We recommend doing a little research into your partner's hometown and supporting the small businesses there. All of this develops and nurtures a special bond, and sets the stage for a feeling of love, safety, and most importantly TRUST. 

"Ultimately, what matters is that you are able to communicate your needs and wants and build the relationship that works for you."

There is SO much trust that needs to be maintained. People need to trust that they are loved, and that their partner is being faithful (including ethical non-monogamy if that's what you're practicing). Also, with the amount of digital content being shared, and video chat sex, you have to trust that your partner wouldn't act maliciously with it. 

Share your emotions and needs. Do not hide that you are having a bad day. You're not doing yourself or your relationship any favors by dealing with life alone. They are called partners for a reason. Lastly, do your Gods damned best to be patient. Always keep in mind that you both are experiencing desire and loneliness together. In these special times, there's no choice but to quit, or stick it out for love. It will happen, one very special and VERY SEXY day. 

JL: 

A majority of my relationships are long distance. I'm poly. Each of my relationships differ. The two that are in a way the most active, we text each other pretty frequently and FaceTime at least once or twice a month. Our lives are very busy and we try our best to respect that. For my partner in the same state as me, we see each at one weekend or one week a month. Communication and compassion has been key. Also recognizing that we have to trust each other to know the boundaries in the relationship and willingness to discuss the changes with boundaries frequently.

We can see that meaningful and regular interaction is a big piece, and something that even people who share a house can take into consideration. What are some other things that are recommended?

Be clear on boundaries and needs: What level of contact do you expect? Will you travel to see each other? What kind of romantic or sexual options do you each have with other people? Will this remain at a distance? Do you expect that eventually you will be in the same place and how will that change things?

Embrace technological options: Texting, video chats and sharing porn links and saucy pics are obvious upsides of LDRs in the modern era. There are also apps designed for partners and don't forget about products that allow lovers to share physical touch over Bluetooth or even engage directly in sexual acts using teledildonics. 

Go Old School: Who sends a letter anymore? Maybe you do – because it's extra special to get handwritten smut through the mail, as a belated fuck you to Anthony Comstock. Same with some good, old-fashioned phone sex. 

Another upside of long-distance love is the possibly extended spark of novelty. Since it's so exceptional to get to be together, and you don't get tired of each other, this model of dating might be ideal for particularly busy folks. Ultimately, what matters is that you are able to communicate your needs and wants and build the relationship that works for you. 

Have a question for Timaree? Send an email to asktimaree@philadelphiaweekly.Com.

Related

Long-Distance Benefits

Source: Courtesy of Pexels, RDNE Stock project

Consider a hypothetical couple, Joe and April, who have been together for two years, a year and a half of which has been long-distance. Six months into their relationship, Joe moved across the country when he was offered a work promotion. Most of April's friends told her to break up with Joe, as they believed that it would be too challenging and too time-consuming to maintain a long-distance relationship. Not deterred by her friends, April decided to make it work and has been pleasantly surprised by how wonderful being in a long-distance relationship has been.

Despite a commonly held belief that long-distance relationships are too challenging, there are many benefits. Researchers Kelmer, Rhoades, Stanley, and Markman (2013) found that people in long-distance relationships report higher levels of relationship quality and dedication to their relationships than those in close proximity. Additionally, those in long-distance relationships felt less constrained.

Below are some benefits of long-distance relationships.

Greater Independence

April has always had a large circle of friends and a busy work schedule. She has found that she has been more present in her friendships and able to take on new, demanding tasks at work. This is because she can maintain her schedule as a result of her long-distance relationship.

Being in a long-distance relationship allows partners to retain a separate identity and an increased level of independence. People can get involved with the community, seek out volunteer opportunities, or spend more time with friends and family members, without worrying that they aren't saving enough time for their partner at home.

Creative Communication

Not only have April and Joe become excellent communicators, as they are more intentional about keeping up with one another, but they have also gotten more creative about how they connect. They text throughout the day to discuss what's on their minds, which leaves their evening chats to focus on deeper conversations about their feelings and thoughts. They also get creative when it comes to their sex lives, using some of their video chats to deepen their intimacy.

Benefits of Two Communities

April and Joe treasure the time they spend together and look forward to sharing the cool spots they found during their time apart from one another during their visits. They find the role of tour guide fun and exciting even though they are now familiar with and settling in at both locations.

For couples in long-distance relationships who spend time traveling to see one another, partners may benefit from being able to explore two different communities and forming roots in both. An added benefit is that the person hosting gets to share their home base and introduce their partner to their favorite eateries, shops, etc., which can be a fun bonding experience. Having a partner in a different location may expand both of your horizons in unique ways, affording you the opportunity to be in an area you otherwise may not have even visited.

To have a successful long-distance relationship, clear communication and advanced planning are very important. While navigating a long-distance relationship can present unique challenges, there are many benefits. These include personal growth as a result of autonomy over one's schedule and needs, the deep emotional connection gained as a result of creative communication, and the ability to connect with two communities and enhance your social networks. As a result, long-distance relationships foster a loving bond that can enhance the lives of the individuals involved.

Facebook image: David Prado Perucha/Shutterstock

References

Kelmer, G., Rhoades, G. K., Stanley, S., & Markman, H. J. (2013). Relationship quality, commitment, and stability in long‐distance relationships. Family Process, 52(2), 257-270.

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