366 Top Inspirational Quotes for 2024

100 Funny Insults That'll Roast Your Friends And Foes

Funny insults for kids

21. I do not have the time or the crayons to explain this to you.

22. You have the attention span of an ice cream in July.

23. I will not have a battle of wits with someone who is unarmed.

24. This looks like something I would draw with my left hand.

25. If you see the silly-kid catcher, you'd better hide!

26. Why do you look like an envelope with no address on it?

27. It appears that your brain cells are not holding hands right now.

28. You were a slippery baby.

29. May the chocolate chips in your cookies always turn out to be raisins.

30. You have your entire life to be a knucklehead. You can take today off.

31. Who ate your bowl of sunshine this morning, thundercloud?

32. You are proof that the universe has a sense of humor.

33. Where's your off button?

34. Sometimes it's better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you're silly than open it and confirm their suspicions.

35. You must have gotten your brain from your other parent.

36. You changed your mind? Does this one work any better?

37. I'm surprised and pleased—but a little more surprised than pleased.

38. Sorry, it's hereditary.

39. Don't be a screen door on a submarine.

40. I know you are, but what am I?

Roasting your kids makes all those late nights worth it, doesn't it? If you want to up your game, these Shakespearean insults are educational as well as hilarious.

Funny insults for best friends

41. It's great to see that you don't let your education get in the way of your ignorance.

42. Are you doing OK today? You look like the guy in the zombie movie who's been bitten but is trying to keep it quiet.

43. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?

44. It's impossible to underestimate you.

45. Congratulations on being the top of the bell curve.

46. You're as sharp as a rubber ball.

47. I was going to give you a nasty look, but I see you already have one.

48. You're the reason tubes of toothpaste have instructions on them.

49. I bet your pH level is 14. Basic.

50. How do you not fall down more?

51. You're as deep as a puddle in a parking lot.

52. I just love that you don't care what people think.

53. You remind me of a slightly tilted picture frame.

54. Stupidity is not a crime. You're free to go.

55. You really should come with a warning label.

56. I would describe your personality as a vibrant shade of beige.

57. You're such a conversation starter. It gets underway as soon as you leave, that is.

58. You don't need to fear success. You have nothing to worry about.

59. A sharp tongue is not necessarily an indicator of a keen mind.

60. Is there an intermission to this drama?

What are best friends for? Trading funny insults, funny comebacks and funny obituaries, of course!

Funny insults for family

61. Right now, you are as useful as a soup sandwich.

62. If you ever had a thought, it would die of loneliness.

63. I'm not saying you're ugly, but maybe you should start walking backward.

64. I bet you take more than 15 items through the express lane.

65. This is why the gene pool needs a lifeguard.

66. You are an unessential vitamin.

67. You've never really embraced intelligence for yourself.

68. Who's using the family brain cell at the moment?

69. You have the charisma of a wet sock.

70. I have 90 billion nerves, and you're on every single one of them.

71. You'd struggle to pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.

72. It's just that you have bad luck when it comes to thinking.

73. You are not the most gullible person on earth, but you'd better hope that person doesn't die.

74. Guess you're not as dumb as you look. How could you be?!

75. My life may be a joke, but it's not as funny as your outfit.

76. Your ambition outweighs your skills.

77. I don't understand, but I also don't care, so it works out nicely.

78. You should use glue instead of chapstick.

79. I may not be perfect, but at least I am not you.

80. Your life is more about regret management than goal achievement, isn't it?

What looks like a joke, but isn't? These anti-jokes, which will still make you laugh.

Funny Quotes

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Famous quotes know for their humour. Quotes that can make you laugh and think at the same time.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

~ Fred Allen

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

~ Abraham Lincoln

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

~ Mark Twain

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

~ Rodney Dangerfield

In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language.

~ Mark Twain

Why did Nature create man? Was it to show that she is big enough to make mistakes, or was it pure ignorance?

~ Holbrook Jackson

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, "Get the hell off my property."

~ Joan Rivers

Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung

~ Voltaire

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

~ George Globol

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

~ Henry Youngman

25 Funny Father's Day Memes That Dads Will Find Hysterical

25 Funniest Father's Day Memes to Send Dad in 2024

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Funny Father's Day memes that will crack dad up

He's been getting you with the cheesiest dad jokes and funny dad quotes over the years, but now it's time to make your pop laugh first with these Father's Day memes.

Your dad will appreciate a bit of humor during his Father's Day celebration. Luckily, the funny Happy Father's Day memes below will illustrate just how much you love your dad (and how hilarious and relatable fatherhood really is). Plus, if you're lucky, he may even get a little misty-eyed.

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So funny dad…

Dad, please stick to the heartfelt dad quotes.

Take cover!

If Dad laughs at this Father's Day meme, then you know it's true.

Someone's sleepy

It's OK. At least Dad tried.

The only person more forgetful than me

What day is it? If you're looking for something a little more heartwarming to counter this joke, these father-son quotes are perfect for Father's Day!

Give him a chuckle

Get him with a good dad joke before he gets you. Add this joke as a little note in your printable Father's Day card for bonus laughs.

A shame…

I have no idea how that could've happened!

Or try this dad joke

This is one of those funny Father's Day memes that will definitely make him smile. Something else that will make him smile? A Father's Day joke, of course!

Obviously

It's so funny how we all just know, and you don't even have to say anything. You also may want to share these father-daughter quotes that will touch his heart.

Look at your texts, Dad

This is a Father's Day meme that's unsurprisingly relatable.

It's so you

We promise it's not another tie…

Sorry, Mom

The lesser of two evils. Hey, sometimes parenting isn't easy—but these relatable and funny parenting tweets make you realize you're not alone on the parenting journey.

Saved us both some embarrassment

But this doesn't mean you should start trying now. Make Mom laugh too with these hilarious mom memes.

Honored

The dog is grateful for you too. If dad's favorite family member is Fido, consider getting him one of these great gifts for dog lovers.

Best friends

You made the best ballerina. If you're looking for something to do this Father's Day, try checking out one of these Father's Day movies that will tug at your dad's heartstrings.

Even when I smelled

I appreciate you more than you know. Keep the appreciation going by picking up a gift for grandpa!

Your #1 fan

Also, I apologize for always being so annoying.

You're the man

Keep up the great work.

Are you awake?

I'm sure you got plenty of sleep. Who else can relate to this Father's Day meme?

Everyone loves a good pun

Especially dads—they're suckers for good puns.

Some of them are actually pretty funny

But I will still continue to roll my eyes at you.

A classic

No matter how old I get, this is still your favorite line.

Uh…

That would mean waking up before him.

Come on, Dad

Getting lost, but pretending he's not, is part of his routine.

Why trust us

Reader's Digest has been telling jokes for more than 100 years, curated and reviewed over the last 20 years by Senior Features Editor Andy Simmons, a humor editor formerly of National Lampoon and the author of Now That's Funny. We've earned prestigious ASME awards for our humor—including comical quips, pranks, puns, cartoons, one-liners, knock-knock jokes, riddles, memes, tweets and stories in laugh-out-loud magazine columns such as "Life in These United States," "All in a Day's Work," "Laughter Is the Best Medicine" and "Humor in Uniform," as well as online collections such as short jokes, dad jokes and bad jokes so bad, they're great. You can find a century of humor in our 2022 compendium, Reader's Digest: Laughter, the Best Medicine. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.

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